I am the fattest that I have ever been in the past three years. It bothers me. Not so much the weight but the psychological side of things. I realize that the problem is much bigger than eating less and exercising more.
Like many others, I am going through some hard times. Coronavirus pushed me way out of my comfort zone, so my mind had to figure out how to cope with high levels of stress and anxiety. It didn’t take long to fall back into the old, proven coping method – the food.
I could force myself to lose weight. I’ve done it before. Using the brute force of willpower, I lost 40 pounds in less than 2 months in the spring of 2017.
It took a toll on my body. I messed up my hormones and gallbladder. I got away with it, just because I was young enough to handle such abuse. This is not the route I want to pursue again and it won’t be the solution. It will not address the root cause, because the problem is not the extra weight itself, nor the food. The problem is in my head – I am addicted.
I want to fix the issue, not the symptom. I want to get to its core, so I never have to come back to it again. I want to get out of this endless cycle of gaining and losing. The cycle of abundance and restriction.
I’ve been thinking a lot… I’ve been analyzing my past. I’ve been asking myself a lot of uncomfortable questions. I’ve been studying literature and talking to others. By figuring out my own problem, I feel I could help others. My strength is analysis. I will use myself as a guinea pig and try to solve this puzzle. I will write about my path to breaking food addiction.
As a child, I used to love taking my toys apart and trying to improve them. I would often break the toy car just so I’ll be challenged to fix it. I remember how interesting it was to play around with magnets and electric motors.
I remember working overnight on my motorcycle, trying to fix the leaky carburetor and then tuning it. My neighbours hated me for that, but I couldn’t stop. I was in bliss… I was in the “flow state” during those moments. I would totally forget to eat or drink. I was so immersed into the task at hand, so I would even postpone my washroom breaks until the point where I would almost pee my pants. It was hard physically and mentally, but the rewards of being in the “zone” far overweight the fatigue.
I remember spending two days! with no sleep, trying to hack my brand new, white iPhone 3G. After experimenting with different software and finding out different things I could do with the phone – I broke the thing. The next two days I spent researching and trying to fix what I broke. I had no sense of time. Day or night – I didn’t care. My friends were calling me, asking me out – I was unavailable. My mom would cook the dinner – I was locked inside my room, glued to the computer. Again, I was in a blissful state. I had a purpose and I would not stop until it’s done.
I forgot that side of me… It is an important piece, when searching for my purpose in life. What was I playing with when I was a kid? What was interesting and exciting to me as a teenager?
I need to build – I am a creator. I want to spend the rest of my life working on something that puts me into the “flow state”. I want to be fully immersed into a task, where I lose the sense of time and nothing else matters. I feel that only when I’m in the “zone” – I can truly push my limits.
In whatever I do, given my interests, I will try to figure out how can I make this task interesting for me? How can I replicate that states of the mind that I’ve experienced when I was immersed in my work?
Have you ever thought about what does it cost you to live the life you do? I am not speaking about the money.
Some people see me as successful in certain ways. I might, however, no one knows the price I pay.
I wake up at 4:30 am and go to the office. I then work from 5 am till 8 or 9 in the evening. People whom I share the office with, think that I live there… Seriously.
I don’t see my family. I don’t even feel that I have one. It came to the point, where neither my mother or brother would call me anymore. Very strange relationships… I don’t go home for Christmas. I can’t come to my parents and seek for comfort and compassion. My mother won’t cook a meal for me. Where is home? There is no home. Not for me.
I can’t recognize my siblings. They are all so grown up that I can’t even recognize them. There are new family members that were born while I was gone – I never even seen them. I am not part of the family.
I don’t go to my friend’s birthdays. Most of them are married – I missed all their weddings. I lost connections with 90% of the people I considered to be my friends. That’s alright. That’s expected.
I don’t party. I used to go out a lot. I used to have a lot of friends and buddies. I used to be that funny/crazy guy who enjoyed being in the center of attention. Can’t even remember the last time I went out…
I don’t have any serious relationships. I haven’t had any for the past several years. How could I? I don’t even have enough time to walk my dog because I either work or train. There is no space in my life for another human being.
We all pay the price for our “success”, whether we realize that or not. What is yours?
Hey Alex, would you like to come to our investor’s meeting next week? – Yeah, sure. What is it about? It’s a private event for entrepreneurs and investors from British Columbia. People come from Vancouver, Kelowna and even fly in from Toronto and Montreal. – Sounds interesting. Tell me more. We usually have two-three businesses, pitching their ideas or seeking investments. However, it’s more of a networking event for investors. – What’s the dress code? Strictly business. – Ok, sign me in.
The meeting took place in a local fancy resort. A large room with 5 desks and bartender on the back. I was one of the first people to come. There were mini notebooks with pens on each table. What caught my attention is that pens were not the cheap plastic ones, but heavy metal pens with the logo of the event. Each cost probably over $20. The young bartender on the back is wearing suit pants and while dress shirt. Jin, rom, whiskey, wine… On the side, the waiter just brought grilled shrimp and mozzarella-tomatoe kebabs. This is interesting.
People started coming in and the event started. Old gentleman stood in the front of the audience and made a speech. Everyone listened carefully. No talks, no whispers, no phones, no nothing – silence. It was obvious that this gentlemen held a lot of respect.
There were only about twelve people and I was one of them. It seemed as if I was a grandson of one of the guests. Bartender poured me a glass of red with so much respect that I almost felt bad for him. All drinks and food is free.
There were three presentations that night. First was a lady from the local hospital, thanking for the investments that allowed them to buy some crazy expensive equipment. Second was a young man, presenting his web-based business. And to conclude – the old man, raising money for his coal mine. That old man was the business owner of a billion dollar coal mine, however he was so nervous talking that it seemed that he could burst into tears any second. Impressive.
I felt as if I was on a “Shark Tank” show, however I was sitting among the sharks. All the presenters were exceptionally good. They knew what they were talking about. Nobody did pull out their phones and everybody in the room paid close attention to the presenters. Everybody was talking in a different language – the business terms. I have a masters degree from one of the USA high ranking business schools, however a few times I caught myself thinking that I had no idea what they were talking about. I understood most of the talks, however when it came to coal and mining – I got totally lost.
Smart, logical educated questions – the audience was asking presenters. Wow! What an experience I thought several times to myself. I felt myself as the dumbest kid in the classroom. Despite being uncomfortable AF, I managed to ask the presenter a very good question. A few hours later, one of the investors said that it was a very good question to ask.
My friend presented me as a very smart guy from Toronto, who works on autonomous cars.This sparked people’s attention and it became easy to start a conversation. I spent time talking to a man who owns the biggest heavy lifting drone company in Canada and the USA. I talked to the owner of a local real-estate agency. People were wearing golden rings with rocks.
Waiter kept on bringing the food and bartenders kept on pouring the grasses. I made an interesting observation: nobody in the room shied away from shaking hands. Every person I got introduced to, immediately shaked my hand and smiled. It seemed as though nobody cared about the virus. I guess green papers were the best antidote against it. No masks, no social distancing. However, all supporting staff: bartenders and waiters were all wearing face coverings.
Four hours later the meeting was over. I had scheduled two meetings and five business cards in my pocket. I felt exhausted… What an experience!
How come did I end up in such a place? A guy from nowhere, no job, no connections – among some of the most successful people of BC. Forget the investors meeting. All other meetings that I’ve had over the course of 5-6 weeks… I realized that for the past several weeks I was meeting totally different people, from what I used to be surrounded with. I was in a different world – another planet. People in my circle were driven and enthusiastic. No more did I feel as I was “too much”. My ideas were welcomed and my pace was matching the pace of those I met. They picked my thoughts on the fly and I didn’t have to explain or repeat myself twice. Because the people around changed, I knew I was changing. Something in me was different and this “different” attracted different kinds of people. What is it?
I went deeper and I realized that no longer did I have doubt in myself. For some reason I had this strong faith in me. I was calm and I believed that no matter what – I will figure things out. I felt as if I was doing the right thing. My startup – was exactly what I was supposed to be doing. My ideas were legit and innovative. I was finally among “my peers”. We spoke the same language. We had high energies. We all were motivated and driven.
Things seem to be aligning in my favour. I got whatever I needed. The Universe was taking care of me – its favourite pet. Whatever questions I had – the answers showed up. All I needed to do was to ask exactly what I needed to know and wait. Some answers came sooner, some later. I got the opportunities to show myself at work. I got exposed to all kinds of people from different industries and a variety of backgrounds. This layoff in May could be the best thing that ever happened to me. Life was guiding me somewhere in places I haven’t been before. I saw the path under my feet change. The scenery was different. I was different. Not better or worse, but different.
I am in a weird place. Life tries to communicate something to me. What is it?
Photographer I met on my journey. I was so interested in his ideas and the views on life, but now I see him as irresponsible grown man without any purpose in life. Wandering from place to place, struggling to make the ends meet.
Another lady introduced herself as an entrepreneur and investor. We spent some time together, where she bragged about the millions on her bank accounts in her past life. She spoke about her oil company and how she lost everything. She told me how how she missed surfing in Hawaii. I believed her. Her stories were so legit that I genuinely felt sorry for her. She lost the business and suffered health issues. I was ready to help in any way I could. Two weeks later I realized that she made up all those stories. She lied about her meetings about billionaires, her businesses and experiences as an entrepreneur. I believed. I got disappointed.
The guy in the co-working space I work from sept on telling me about his online trading gig. He was making some money on a side of his full-time job as a real-estate agent. He told me about it so passionately and enthusiastically, that I even considered giving it a try. “You have to come to a meeting with me. With your brain, you can really succeed here.”, he said. “Those guys in a meeting are sharing their knowledge for free. They are wrol-class.”, he added. Okay, let’s see what’s up. A group of mediocre folks, trying to make a little bit of money off the market fluctuations. Disappointed… That guy made up his mind that this is something so much greater than it really is. It will be painful to realize the truth and I hope he does not put to much money in it.
Another man I met was the owner of a large farm. I was searching for a place for my camper. We met at the coffee shop, where he interviewed me as if he was hiring for a CEO. I was surprised by the seriousness of our conversation and the questions he asked. Well, it must be a very cool farm (haven’t seen it yet). He told me about his rules and how he sees himself as a sun and his parents as satellites. “We are the main bodies”, he said. “That’s a really interesting way to put it”, I replied. He named the price which I did not expect to hear. It was over my budget, however I wanted to see that magical place before making a decision. Ten minutes later we were at his place…. A f*cking shithole (pardon for my French). Abandoned cars and mess everywhere. Old buildings. No fences, no gates… Disappointed. Again…
I seem to be surrounded by people who create fiction stories for themselves and live by them. They truly believe that their farm is the best one in town. They are convinced that they dedicate their time and energy to work that will bring them riches and fame. A lady convinced that she was a millionaire before she lost he oil company.
I haven’t had experience dealing with such people and I typically believe in what they say. For some reason I am dealing with this kind of people and situations right now. Everyone live in their own illusions. That’s scary.
I am disappointed to learn the truth. I don’t have the right to tell them that they are right or wrong, so I keep my mouth shut. In fact my life’s vision is another illusion that I made up for myself. It keeps me sane and helps to cope with the life’s reality. I don’t see the life for what it is. Everything goes through my lenses and converts the raw experience into something that fits my mental models. Now it feels as if everyone is lying to me and themselves. There is no truth, only the explanation of reality that fits my bill.
Truth is painful. Truth = suffering. To live comfortably, I need to create my own illusions. I need to guard them and don’t let anyone prove I am wrong. Ideal case scenario is to surround yourself with the people who will believe in my stories and adopt them as their own. Or I can be the adopter. Either way works because they both promise the escape from the hard truth of reality. I feel despair. I am disappointed. Where all this goes?
It seems like everyone have figured thing out. Other people’s lives seem easier and more comfortable than yours. Just because they were born in the right country, the right family – the life has move opportunities for them. You start feeling sorry for yourself. Coming out of the shithole, you had to fight for everything. Hard work or jail – were my only two ways out. The third one is always on a back of my mind, but that’s a dead end.
Seeing others live better than you make you feel that you’re wasting your time. Why not me? Maybe I don’t deserve? Maybe I am not good enough? Maybe I should just stop fighting and trying? Maybe I should just go with a flow as my photographer friend? Get myself a PlayStation and put down the blinds. Fuck sport, diets, work, ambition. What if this is the life I deserve and there is nothing more to it? What if instead of resisting, just accept it? Maybe then I’ll find stillness and fulfillment?
Accept everything that happens in your life as a game. To move on to the next level of the game, you have to pass this challenge. It will never be easy. The stronger you get, the bigger the obstacles get. I am tired of fighting…
Suffering comes from thinking that we deserve much more than we already have. What if everything that we have is exactly what we deserve? Accept and be grateful. The life was meant to enjoy, so stop fighting.
The sooner you learn life’s lesson, and the faster you’ll figure it out, the sooner you will move to another level. Again, once level higher – it will not be easier. Remind yourself of the past – the easy times. You had a job, money, relationships, possessions… You wish to get those things back, but you forgot that you wasn’t happy then either. WTF is wrong with you? You was always looking for a challenge. Now you’ve got the challenge, so why do you complain? The life had given you a great opportunity to grow, but now you are bitching that its too hard. Instead of embracing the suck and diving in, you look around and compare yourself to others.
You are an idiot. You live your life as if you had an infinite amount of time on this planet. If not, why do you waste it on these emotions and feeling sorry for yourself? There is no time. There are no spectators to feel sorry for you. No one cares about you, so you might as well be happy. If not, why living? There is no grey zone. You either happy or not. You either live or die.
The first snow. I realize how cold and long this winter will be. It’s been five months and two weeks since I lost my job. I tried a bunch of things to make a living, but none of them put me a single dollar in my pocket. It’s discouraging.
I lost respect to my friend Jeremy – the photographer I met in Banff. We met in a downtown cafe where he was working on his photo project. Driving from town to town, he took photos of the local murals. His plan was to stack all pictures in one large collage and try to cell it to the local government agencies like town halls and airports. He envisioned his work to be printed on the large scale as a representation of the local art. If the plan worked out and people started buying his art – he would make a living out of it. “Nobody else has done anything like this before” – he said. He thought that this job would perfectly match his lifestyle, where he travels on his terms, while also making money. Once saved up enough, he would buy a campervan and continue his travels in comfort and style. That would be a huge jump for him, considering that he spent the last two months living out of his old toyota yaris. Blue colour, tiny car, with different sets of rims has his home on wheels. I was always amazed how he managed to live there with his large dog for so long. He said he liked it.
The time had passed and we both settled down in Kelowna, British Columbia. We both were tired from traveling and needed a place where we could focus on our projects. I remember how determined and excited he was when we just came in. “I will work day and night to get this project done”, he said. “I will sell it and then move on to another, in a different city”. He seemed that he knew exactly what he was doing and I believed him.
We rented out the same office space in a coworking facility. One morning, when I came in, I caught him sleeping in his sleeping bag right on the bench. His dog was barking. This made me angry because if caught, he would get us both in trouble. I really liked my office space and didn’t want to lose it. Couldn’t hide my frustration, we had an uncomfortable conversation the same morning.
A few days went by and I asked how his project was coming out. I wanted to see that great art work that he spent so much time on. “…it’s not that great”, he replied. He said that he didn’t really like it anymore and wasn’t sure if anyone would buy it. “How do you know? Have you tried reaching out to people?”, I asked. Negative. “Have you finished building your website?” – negative. In fact, I noticed that all he was doing on his computer is playing online games.
Few days later he said that he will be going back home to Montreal in a few weeks. He might go back to school to study asian culture. Or he might continue working as a physiotherapist. Or he… had no idea what he would do. “I will buy myself the latest PlayStation”, he said. I worked hard, but it didn’t workout the way I wanted. He also bought a gym membership and said that he will start going there on a regular basis. “I need to get in shape”, he said, but never did go. I was really disappointed in my friend… 42 years old, no kids, no relationships, no assets or savings. The man lives day by day without giving much thought about the future. Today he is excited about his photo project, tomorrow he applies to school to study the Asian culture. “Where will you get the money for school?”, I asked. “I’ll take a student loan”, he replied casually.
Trying not to judge, but I was really disappointed to learn more about him. Back in Banff, he seemed like an interesting man. We had deep spiritual conversations. He seemed like an intelligent person with a lot of life experience. Being inconsistent in his pursuits, he rarely finished anything. There was a part of him in me. I was looking in a mirror of who I could become in the future if I was doing only the things that excite me. Once the excitement is over – move to another thing. Play video games and burn the days. “Life was meant to be enjoyed”, he said. “Experiences – is what really matters”, he said. I agree, but I also feel that there is something missing. I don’t want to live like that – like an addict in search for the next dopamine spike, jumping from one idea to another. I don’t want to find myself at the age of 40 without having done anything that I could be proud of. If not a family, I want to have at least one person who truly cares about me. I want to keep my promises and do as I say I will. I want to be a man who lives his life strategically and not being bounced around as a leaf on a tree. I want to be a man, who decides what to do and executed until the work is done.
Days are passing by, Jeremy is playing his games. A grown man, with no purpose or goal in life. An example of a person who lives by the flow. He follows the current of life without making any effort to change direction. An example of a man I don’t want to be.
Ever since I hit the road in my spaceship, I’ve met so many smart people. I had so many interesting conversations. The universe is helping me to bring my ideas to life. It guides me to find my “Whys”. It almost feels like I am losing control over my life and something bigger sucks me in. On this path, people reach out and often offer their help. People are open and nice to me. I am open to the point, where I don’t even recognize myself. I am in a new world. I change. I transform into someone different. Not better or worse…
I feel that I am onto something. I think I can see the path to follow. I start understanding myself better and tap into new aspects of my personality. There is a new feeling that’s been buzzing in the back of my mind. The faith. Not in God, but myself. It feels like something greater is taking care of me. I have this weird sense of confidence in myself. For some reason, everything that happens feels like a part of the plan. My problems are still there, but I am calm. I might be going crazy…
I know that I can build something great. It’s almost scary because I get answers to all my questions. I am being told exactly what I need to do to succeed. There are no more secrets to success. Know what you want and ask for it. The path is clear and understandable. I’ve had more social interactions in the past month than I’ve had in a year. I met almost 100 people in the past several weeks. My ideas are the conductors between me and people. My ideas connect with me to others. My ideas inspire me and give me the energy to live. People feel that energy and drive.
If you have enough money to solve a problem, then you don’t have a problem
A man who dares to waste one hour of life has not discovered the value of life — Charles Darwin
There is no limit to the amount of good you can do if you don’t care who gets the credit — Ronald Reagan
Try not to become a man of success but a man of value. A man of value will give more than he receives — Albert Einstein
“Lessons are repeated until learned” — Dr Chérie Carter – Scott
The ability of the average man could be doubled if the situation demanded. In psychology, this idea is called the Pygmalion Effect.
“How” costs a lot of time.
Make the mental image. Make it clear. The ways and means will develop. Supply will follow the demand. You will be led to do the right thing at the right time and in the right way.
Personal confidence comes from making progress toward goals that are far bigger than your present capabilities.
As you get others involved that action enhances your desire and motivation to get serious and get focused. You put yourself in a situation where you rise to a higher occasion and where you have other people committed to helping you succeed.
“Who” expands your vision for what is possible because you no longer see yourself as the sole means of achieving the result. “Who” immediately connects you with different knowledge insights and capabilities.
You can survive without a community but you can’t thrive without one.
A core aspect of leadership is being explicit about the vision. The more explicit you are in what you want the faster you’ll attract the right Whos to help you achieve that vision.
The leader explains the What and Why and then allows the Who to execute the How as you engage in relationships you expand your efficacy as a person. Your efficacy is your ability to produce results.
Being able to articulate and express your goals is one of the most important and fundamental skills necessary for success. Only when your goal is clearly defined and persuasively expressed can you start getting the support you need to achieve your goals.
It is the role of the leader to determine what — which is the desired outcome or goal — and to provide clear feedback and direction when needed. It is not the role of the leader to explain how the job is done. The Who determines how they will best go about getting the job done. All they need is clarity about what specifically done looks like.
Be radically explicit about your goals Ask yourself: Who can help me accomplish this goal?
…before Joe connects with someone he does his homework. He wants to really know who the person is, what their context is, what they value, what they care about and what they’re trying to accomplish. Only then can he approach the relationship in a relevant and mindful way for the sole purpose of providing incredible value to them.
Breaking down your goals into 90-day incrementsis good for focus and motivation. By chunking down your goals into smaller steps you can focus more directly on what is right in front of you. You can make tangible and short-term progress and then look back every 90 days and measure tangible progress. This gives a sense of movement and momentum.
By letting Whos take care of the Hows the final product will actually be different and better than you initially imagined.
By seeing Whos as an investment rather than a cost you can create transformational relationships in which all parties give more than they take rather than transactional ones.
Don’t reach out to someone unless you have something meaningful to offer them.
Eliminating decision fatigue from your life should be one of your primary goals if you want to be a high performer and increase your income.
Every goal or project you initiate starts a new game. Each game requires different pieces and players — different Whos.
…he now lives every single day like it could be his last and even created an acronym for time: Today Is My Everything.
I used to hold on to my ideas much longer trying to refine them myself before sharing them with the audience. I was far less open to having the ideas changed through feedback It required far more courage to share the ideas back then. But I’ve done it so much now that my courage has been replaced with confidence.
Ideas generally come while you’re at home or in transit or during recreational activity. You need time and space and the most important relaxation and recovery to allow ideas and solutions to ferment and form.
If you are like most people the first thing you do when you imagine a bigger future is to ask yourself: How do I achieve this goal? Although this question seems intuitive it’s actually the worst possible question you could ask.
If you don’t yet know how to connect with people in this more conscious and reciprocal manner a great way to learn is simply by volunteering. Learn to serve other people without any expectation for reward. Learn to devote yourself to a cause and to other people’s goals even if you get no fanfare.
If you have enough money to solve a problem then you don’t have a problem.
If you want to get progressively bigger and better results in your life then you’ll need Whos, not Hows.
If you’re focused on doing everything yourself then you are dramatically limiting the resources you can direct toward your goals. If your resources are limited your potential your options and your future are limited too.
If you’re going to apply higher levels of teamwork in your life you’ll need to relinquish control over how things get done.
In order to create the right types of relationships, you need to be very clear about what you want. Not only do you have to know what you want but you must clearly communicate your desires to others.
It is only through teamwork and collaboration that you can achieve things you previously thought impossible. Things you can’t even dream of or imagine in your present situation.
Joe seesrelationships like he sees clothing. If an outfit doesn’t fit right if it’s too tight or too baggy or if it’s not functional then the relationship doesn’t make sense.
The opposite of addiction is not sobriety — it is human connection.
Never enter a relationship without having first created value in that relationship. Never stop creating value and nurturing your relationships. Always ask What’s in it for them? rather than What’s in it for me? Know what the other person cares about. Get to know them, their context and their goals. Give relevant value. Don’t waste their time. Do your homework. If you want to develop transformational relationships then approach relationships in a transformational rather than transactional way. Bring a result to the table. Make the pie bigger for everyone involved. Don’t come with big promises of future results. Bring immediate results. Don’t promise what you can’t deliver. Be a generous giver who is truly committed to service and growth, not status.
Be nice to the people you meet on the way up because they are the same people you meet on the way down. Be grateful in large and small ways to the people in your life and you’ll attract an incredible abundance.
Once I’ve gotten the idea 50 percent formed then it’s time to tes
t it on the audience who provides the other 50 percent. Every time I share the initial concept I’m always surprised by the feedback and comments I get.
Looking back over the past quarter what are the things you have achieved that make you the proudest? What are the current areas of focus and progress that make you the most confident? Looking ahead at the next quarter what new developments projects or goals are giving you the greatest sense of excitement? What are the five new jumps (progress) you can now achieve that will make your next 90 days a great quarter regardless of what else happens?
Procrastination is a psychological phenomenon that occurs when you really want something more for yourself, but you lack the knowledge and capability to do it. What procrastination means is that your goal or ambition is great. It’s something you’d like for yourself but you’re not the right person to execute the plan. Procrastination is a very powerful signal telling you that it’s time to get another Who involved. You’re stuck You need help.
Research has shown that the number one deathbed regret for most people is that they never took steps to do what they truly wanted to do with their lives. Instead, they procrastinated when it came to realizing their deepest dreams and settled for less.
Research shows that between 85–95 percent of college students are chronic procrastinators — meaning they cannot get themselves to do the work they need to do and as a result experience negative and undesired consequences.
The bigger your personal ambition the more procrastination you’ll experience. Everyone who is ambitious procrastinates.
Results, not the effort, is the name of the game. You are rewarded in life by the results you produce not the effort and time you put in.
Shift the question to Who can help me with this? By doing so you can stop procrastinating and feeling discouraged Instead you can experience an injection of energy confidence and creativity.
Supply actually follows perceived demand. When you believe something must be done, you somehow find the ability to get it done. This is why deadlines are so powerful. When there is a demand or requirement you find the motivation.
That’s what real leadership is: Creating and clarifying the vision ( the what ) and giving that vision greater context and importance ( the why ) for all Whos involved. Once what and why have clearly been established the specified Who or Whos have all they need to go about executing the How. All the leader needs to do at that point is to support and encourage the Who ( s ) through the process.
The best way to measure your progress is by noting the amount and quality of collaborations happening in your life.
The research is very clear on this point: the more decisions you have to make the lower the quality those decisions will become. You need to make fewer but better decisions.
The resources you obtain through relationships can be material like money possessions or friendship networks. But resources also include the other person’s perspectives such as how they appreciate the world and ascribe explanations for people’s behaviours. Resources may even be their time, attention or help.
There is an army of ready and willing Whos; capable people out there who want to do the very work you need to be done. All you need to do is communicate your vision to those people and define what successful completion looks like.
…together they co-founded a band called Metallica which went on to sell more than 100 million albums. It all started because Ulrich knew what he wanted. He put his desire on paper and his goal attracted the right Who.
TRANSFORMATIONAL LEADERS GIVE THE VISION AND GET OUT OF THE WAY
What would be possible for you if your capabilities and potential were expanded by other brilliant Whos?
What you can accomplish in relation to some people is very different from what you can do in relation to others. What you can become with some people is different than with others.
When the demands are high we show up. When they are low we settle.
When you develop collaborations particularly with world-class talent projects and businesses, you quickly expand far beyond the initial concept.
When you do find that Who you’ll see how ridiculously simple it was for them to produce your desired result then you’ll begin to see just how small you’ve been playing.
When you’re investment-minded you’re not short-term in your thinking. You consider the bigger picture and you look at how you can help the right people without coming across as transactional.
When you’ve defined what you want — and are very clear on all of the criteria for success — then you’ve got something that you can not only visualize but communicate.
Who has the skills, knowledge, connections and expertise to get this done ASAP? Who Not How is about teaching you how to focus on what you can do and then finding other Whos to do what they can do.
You absolutely need a Who if you’re trying to accomplish something new and challenging unless you’re fine not getting the result you want in the near future.
You expand yourself and your efficacy through relationships! Ultimately anyone who becomes highly successful does so through relationships.
You need an environment and situation forcing you to rise up to the level of your goals. In order to do that you need to increase the demand on yourself and others to produce the desired result.
Pressure can bust pipes or make a diamond. You need the pressure to succeed. You add that pressure by increasing your investment.
Your ability to succeed is based on the quality of the people in your life.
Your attention and energy should not be spread thin but purposefully directed where you can experience extreme flow and creativity.
Your efficacy as a person is based on the resources you have which are a direct by-product of your relationships. Every relationship can be viewed as teamwork directed toward a purpose.
Your team can and should operate seamlessly without you. This should be the goal of every entrepreneur. Having the freedom to relax recover play or do whatever you want is crucial for entrepreneurial creativity success and longevity.
Zig Ziglar once said: “You can have everything in life you want if you will just help other people get what they want“. Helping people get what they want doesn’t mean you’re doing all the Hows but rather that through your resources whatever those may be. You can enable them to get what they want and need.
The pace and style of learning were set by the institutions, following a one-size-fits-all model. This model has basically remained unchanged for the past 100 years. To think about that is scary.
As the World Green Building Council said: “There is overwhelming evidence which demonstrates that the design of an office impacts the health, wellbeing and productivity of its occupants”.
The workplace impacts the business results!
The most direct benefit from flexible working comes from a perceived improvement in personal productivity. They attribute this to a less distracting, more conducive work environment away from an office environment.
We could put offices into three bucketts:
Offices as a ‘product’: floor area, for a price (rent) – your typical office
Offices as a ‘service’: space and service, for a simple fee (daily, monthly, etc.) – co-working spaces as an example
Offices as ‘experience’: more than the sum of (a) + (b); attraction; added value;
Office as “experience” is a very interesting idea. What kind of experience will people want to have in such place?
How about the experience of having a place to work in complete silence? Experience of working uninterrupted for hours straight? Experience of feeling concentrated and productive?
To create some kind of experience that sensory deprivation facilities would offer. An experience of working in an unusual environment that is not only cool looking but also enhances your productivity and focus. A “Zen” place. A yoga studio, but in which you can work. How would your ideal workplace look like? What kind of environment do you need to be productive at work? What technology would you like to have at your disposal? Where would you build such a place? Next to your home, in downtown or somewhere in the middle of the forest?