I walk down the streets of Montreal. No destination, just walk. I hear piano music blasting from far. It is loud and beautiful, so I walk toward the sound. Must be a “street artist” performing for the public for some cash tips. I see the crowd, but couldn’t understand where the music is coming from. I come closer and read the sign on the building: MMFA – Montreal Museum of Fine Arts. That still does not explain the origin of this beautiful piano sound.
Two young people: men and women dressed in the same black dresses perform on the stair of the building. They walk slow and fast, they dance and do different interesting moves. Piano music is being played from the speakers, but so clear that it almost sounds like it’s live. People watch this play, I watch people. An interesting audience – a mix of very young and modestly old people. Everybody dressed well and look neat. They all pay very good attention to those two in black. Slowly I move my attention to the “stage”.
I have no idea what was the name of the play or what was the story about, so I created my own. Men and women were trying to find one another… It was very interesting to watch and I really enjoyed the piano. I looked within and I found myself so occupied with the play. I totally lost a sense of time. I didn’t want to go anywhere anymore. I felt good, so I stayed.
I’ve found a way to decompress. For the past several months I’ve been searching for a tool, a hobby – something non-physical to decompress and rest my mind. I always run on the high gear. There is no gray area for me, and I am either “On” or “Off” – full gas or parked. I tried origami, meditation, breathing and other things, and they worked. However, they were nothing compared to this play. I completely tuned out. This is it. A play that keeps your mind wonder. Moreover, I then realized – I really enjoy arts and classical music. This realization didn’t just come from this performance, but all my previous experiences. I always loved museums, especially the modern arts. I love the weird, extravagant pictures or art. This makes my mind wonder what that could represent and what did the author tried to tell by it. Performances, Classical music. I always listen to it and I truly enjoy it. It keeps my mind still… I am drawn to this type of stuff, but I almost never make a conscious effort to dive more into it. I float on the surface, while there is an entire world to explore. Art inspires me and stimulates thinking. It occupies my mind, so I can rest…
Slowly, step by step, the guy walks towards me. Other people move, I stay. I didn’t notice how the music became really intense. All the cameras that were pointed towards the actors now capture me. I felt how the blood rushed towards my face. I felt as I did in high school when the teacher would call me up to the blackboard. Why? Nobody cares about you here. They are all strangers, but for some reason I was self-conscious. Great! I haven’t felt like that for years and years. The guy comes closer and closer. My mind yells to move, but I resist. I look with my eyes and I look at what happens within. I will not move and stay, just to see what happens. It was a very intense moment. The actor, in a crunched pose, came to about a meter away from me. My monkey mind was literally at the edge of committing suicide. The music that I found to be so beautiful now was so loud and intense. Because it was repetitive, I found it to be very meditative as well. So now, I am in the center of Montreal, sitting on the side of the street. Some men, crunched in the weirdest pose, wearing a black dress, coming almost face-to-face to me. Classical piano music is blasting. Tens of people are pointing their cameras at you. Drivers on the road beside, literally stop in the middle…
It was an incredible, very-very intense experience. The entire world had stopped. I was able to sit still while my mind was yelling: RUN! I resisted and observed my thoughts. The guy stood up, looked at me and changed his direction. He and his lady-partner engaged in a weird dance. It was beautiful. I then realized… My eyes got watery. Wtf!?
During this intense several munited something had cracked inside. I realized why I was struggling with binge eating. I feel! I feel, but I numb my feeling with food. It was not a discovery, but the fact that I am a sensitive person that feels. I am a man of a refined nature, but I forced myself into the framework of an Ironman. I live against my true nature and this causes internal conflict.
I was never a hugger. Whenever my ex-girlfriends would do something that I defined as “too much”, I stepped back. There was an invisible line, which even the closest won’t cross. Why? Because I felt at risk of benign caught on a lie. I was pretending to be a tough guy, as most of us do. By allowing people too close to me, they could’ve realized my true nature – a man of an extremely sensitive nature. A very vulnerable person. I would not allow anyone too close, so they can see that. In fact, I made myself believe that I was that tough dude – it was necessary for survival. Something that served me then, now a limiter and causes a lot of suffering. I continue pretending of whom I am NOT. I am sensual and vulnerable, but I created a hard and rough avatar. I like cleanliness, elegance. I admire beautiful people with a sense of taste. Classical music pleases my ear.
It was an emotional explosion. I felt exhausted as if I just ran twenty kilometres. A lump in the throat, headache in the temples. It seemed as I lived a little life on that street. I met myself in Montreal.
I was asking myself: Why this lifestyle? What are the true reasons? Now I know.
I live this life to feel, to experience emotions – TO LIVE. A life without pain – is life without pleasure. “The System” makes us rough. The System kills our “feelings receptors” – the ability to receive and process the feelings. I need to feel in order to live. Feelings and emotions are like air for me.
Я гуляю по улицам Монреаля. Без пункта назначения, просто гуляю. Прекрасная фортепианная музыка звучит издалека, громко и красиво. Я иду навстречу звуку. Должно быть уличный артист, выступающий для публики за чаевые. Я вижу толпу, но не могу понять, откуда идет музыка. Подхожу ближе и читаю вывеску на здании: MMFA – Монреальский Музей Изящных Искусств. Это все еще не объясняет происхождение прекрасного звука фортепиано.
На лестнице здания выступают двое молодых людей: мужчина и женщина, оба одетые в одинаковые черные платья. Они ходят медленно и быстро, танцуют и делают разные интересные движения. Фортепианная музыка здается из динамиков, но настолько отчетливо, что звучит почти как живая. Люди смотрят этот спектакль, а я смотрю на людей. Интересная публика – смесь очень молодых и глубоко пожилых людей. Все хорошо одеты и опрятно выглядят. Они очень пристально следят за этими двумя в черном. Медленно перевожу внимание на «сцену».
Я понятия не имел, как называлась пьеса или о чем была игра, поэтому создал свое обьяснение происходящему. Мужчина и женщина будто пытались найти друг друга … Разными способами они то находили, то теряли себя. Было очень интересно смотреть, и мне очень нравилась сопровождающая игра на пианино. Я обратил внимание на ход своих мыслей и обнаружил, что очень занят этим зрелищем. Не похоже на меня. Я полностью потерял чувство времени и я больше не хотел никуда идти. Я чувствовал себя хорошо, поэтому остался.
“Замечательный способ для ментальной разрядки” – подумал я про себя. Последние несколько месяцев я искал инструмент, хобби – какое-то не физическое занятие для разума, чтобы расслабить и дать ему отдых. Я всегда куда-то бегу. Я вечно на повышенной передаче. Для меня нет серой зоны, я либо «On», либо «Off». Я пробовала оригами, медитацию, дыхание и другие вещи. Все они работали, однако они были ничем по сравнению с этой постановой. Я полностью отключился – это оно. Пьеса, которая заставляет задуматься. Более того, потом я понял – мне очень нравится искусство и классическая музыка. Это осознание пришло не только из этого выступления, но и из всего моего предыдущего опыта. Я всегда любил музеи, особенно современное искусство. Я люблю странные, экстравагантные картины и скульптуры. Это заставляет меня задуматься: что это могло означать и что автор этим пытался сказать? Спектакли, классическая музыка. Мне это по душе и очень нравится. Это держит мой разум занятым и дает возможность “отключиться”… Меня тянет к подобным вещам, но я почти никогда не делаю сознательных усилий, чтобы больше в них погрузиться. Я плаваю на поверхности, когда подо мною целый мир. Искусство меня вдохновляет и стимулирует мышление. Это занимает мой разум, так что я могу отдохнуть …
Медленно, шаг за шагом, актер идет в мою сторону. Другие люди уходят, я остаюсь. Я не заметил, как музыка стала действительно насыщенной. Все камеры, которые были направлены на актеров, теперь так же захватывают меня. Я почувствовал, как кровь прилила к моему лицу. Я вспомнил что чувствовал себя так же, как в старшей школе, когда учитель звал меня к доске. Почему? Здесь никому нету дела до тебя. Никто тебя не знает, но я почему-то чувствую себя неуверенно. Я не чувствовал себя так много лет. Парень подходит все ближе и ближе. Мой разум кричит: Опасность! Уходи! Он заставляет меня пошевелиться, но я сопротивляюсь. Я смотрю глазами и наблюдаю за тем что происходит внутри меня. Я не пересяду и останусь, просто чтобы посмотреть, что произойдет. Это был очень напряженный момент. Актер в скорченной позе подошел и замер примерно в метре от меня. Мой обезьяний разум был буквально на грани самоубийства. Музыка, которая мне казалась такой красивой, теперб была громкой и интенсивной. Звук пианино был повторяющимся, и оказался очень медитативным. Итак, я нахожусь в центре Монреаля, сижу на обочине улицы. Некоторый мужчина в самой странной позе в черном платье подходит ко мне почти лицом к лицу. Десфтки глаз и камер на нас. Классическая фортепианная музыка орет из колонок. Водители на дороге, буквально останавливаются посередине… Взрыв.
Это был невероятный, очень-очень напряженный опыт. Весь мир остановился. Я мог сидеть спокойно, пока мой разум кричал: БЕГИ! Я сопротивлялся и наблюдал за своими мыслями. Актер выпрмился, посмотрел на меня и изменил направление. Он и его партнерша затеяли странный танец. Это было красиво. И вдруг я понял… У меня заслезились глаза. Что за….!?
За время этих месколдьких минут максимального напряжения внутри что-то дало трещину. Я понял, что создает огромную часть страданий в моей жизни. Я чувствую! Я чувствую, но притупляю свои чувства всеми возможными способами. Но ни это было моим открытием, а то, что я очень чувствительный человек. Я человек утонченной натуры, но я вогнал себя в рамки Ironman. Я живу против своей истинной природы, и это вызывает внутренний конфликт – сопротивление и бунт.
Я никогда не любил обниматься. Всякий раз, когда мои бывшие подруги делали что-то, что я определяла как «слишком много», я отступал. Была невидимая линия, которую я не позволял пересечь даже самым близким. Почему? Потому что я боялся что меня упрекут во лжи. Как и большинство из нас, я притворялся крутым парнем. Допустив людей слишком близко ко мне, они могли бы понять мою истинную природу – человека чрезвычайно чувствительной натуры, очень ранимого. Я не подпускал никого слишком близко, и продолжал свою игру. Фактически, я заставил себя поверить в то, что я был тем крутым парнем – это было необходимо для выживания. Не уверен когда именно, но я создал того Александра, который вписывался в рамки окружения в котором я был. Родительский развод, перемена школ, друзей, стран… То, что служило мне тогда, теперь ограничивает и причиняет много страданий. Я продолжаю притворяться, кем я НЕ являюсь. Я чувственный и ранимый, но я создал себе жесткий и грубый аватар. Я люблю чистоту, элегантность. Я восхищаюсь красивыми людьми с утонченным чувством вкуса. Я не конфликтный человек, и предпочитаю чешать вопросы рационально и логически.
Это был эмоциональный взрыв. Я чувствовал себя измотанным, как будто только что пробежал двадцать километров. Комок в горле, головная боль в висках. Казалось, что я прожил небольшую жизнь на этой улице. Я встретил себя в Монреале.
Ранее я спрашивал себя: Почему я выьрал такой образ жизни? Каковы истинные причины? Теперь я знаю.
Я живу этой жизнью, чтобы чувствовать и испытывать эмоции. Я так живу для того чтобы плакать, а потом смеяться. Жизнь без боли – жизнь без удовольствия. «Система» делает нас грубыми. Система убивает наши «рецепторы чувств» – способность воспринимать и переживать чувства. Мне нужно чувствовать, чтобы жить полноценно. Чувства и эмоции для меня как воздух.
50 years old. Looking fit. Slim, somewhat skinny. Average height. You came to the local triathlon race. Your bike is an extension of you. It reflects you more than you even know. Unknown brand, full-carbon – it shines with large letters on the frame, to get people’s attention. You got it for twice as less as similar carbon bikes. It’s not about the brands and names – it’s about how fast you go. You wanted to get “the best for your buck”, so you did.
You wear a warm jacket from some cycling race. Pants that are on you are also were given to the finishers at another race. You are a savvy man. Money does not come easy. They never did. Sport is the only thing that makes you happy and you give it all your time and energy. Slightly dirty hair and the way you act scream louder than words – you are a lonely man. You are not married. You never were. You don’t have kids or any dependants. You are on your own and you always were that way. There are few buddies of yours at the race. All chubbier and slower than you. You are the alfa-one in the group and you are proud of you. Other men in your circle look up to you. They are also jealous because they can’t lose that beer belly and the double chin.
That’s about it. You finish the race, pack your stuff and leave in your beat-up Civic. Nobody cheers upon you at the finish line. No one waits on you at home. You were the fastest in your age group today… At the last time… And at the race before that… Okay.
You get back to your tiny box. One cup, one dish, one fork. You don’t need more. You are not interested in anything besides a few simple things: sport and reading. That is all. Tell me about minimalism.
That could be you in 20 years. It’s one of the ways. You choose…
Apple keeps its work on self-driving cars behind closed doors. Apple employees spread rumours about work being done on an electric autonomous car. People say different things, but what we know is that there was a project like that, however, the project’s focus has changed to developing self-driving car software instead of an actual vehicle. Few facts:
Apple might still be working on building the self-driving car
The vehicle will be deeply integrated with Apple’s software
DMV issues an autonomous testing permit to Apple
The company is testing self-driving software
Jobs AT APPLE
On their job board web page Apple added the filter named “Home Office”. If applied, you will filter out remote jobs. Search for “self-driving” or “autonomous” keywords.
Apply for Autonomous Vehicle jobs at Apple here: Apple Jobs Apply for Analyst jobs at Apple here: Apple Jobs
Also called Apolong, its bus mass production was started three years ago in 2017. Three companies work on its production: Baidu, Kinglong and SB Drive (a subsidiary of Softbank). You won’t find a steering wheel, accelerator or brake pedals in the vehicle. It drives at speeds of 20 to 40 kph and is capable of sensing and predicting pedestrian and vehicle movements. It runs on an open-source driverless operating platform called Apollo 3.0.
Recently, on August 11, 2020, Aptiv announced its autonomous driving joint venture with Hyundai Motor Group. They called the project Motional.
Motional has its offices in Boston, Pittsburgh, Las Vegas, Santa Monica, and Singapore.
Jobs at APTIV
The company takes serious precautions to prevent the spread of the COVID-19 virus. Read more about it on their career page. Also, they warn you about job scams. Nevertheless, you can apply for Autonomous Vehicle jobs at Aptiv here.
In July 2020, BMW Group, Intel, and Mobileye had joined their forces to push the needle further in self-driving vehicle development. Such a partnership will enable developing a truly end-to-end solution. Each company promises to contribute to this partnership in the following ways:
Mobileye contributes expertise in sensing, localization and driver policy. Mobileye currently plans to deliver fully autonomous cars to customers in 2022. Intel brings a comprehensive portfolio of hardware solutions. The company will supply self-driving vehicles with powerful and reliable electronic brains, capable of processing terabytes of data in a matter of milliseconds.
Bosch to Build $1.1 Billion Chip Plant for Self-driving Cars. According to Bloomberg:
Auto supplier Robert Bosch GmbH will build a 1 billion-euro (US$1.1 billion) semiconductor plant, the biggest single investment in its history, as the maker of brakes and engines prepares for a surge in demand for components used in self-driving vehicles.
Currently, Waymo operates their Level 4 robo-taxis in Phoenix, Arizona (there are drivers upfront functioning as a backup driver). Few weeks ago, in July 2020, Waymo LLC and Fiat announced their partnership to commercial vehicles. Fiat Chrysler will produce fully self-driving vehicles exclusively with Waymo going forward.
Since last year, Waymo nearly doubled its headcount from 800 to 1,500 employees. They call them “Waymonauts”. Waymo hopes that hiring of hundreds of engineers will help it achieve a technological breakthrough in developing autonomous vehicles.
Jobs at Waymo
The company warns applicants about potential scams and informs that they “…do not contact candidates about career opportunities through instant messaging apps like Telegram, email addresses from domains other than waymo.com…” Apply for Autonomous Vehicle positions at Waymo here.
At the end of July 2020, Argo AI was valued at $7.5 billion. Three years ago, in 2017, the company cost just a little more than $1 billion. The company shows significant growth, and expansion, which means more jobs and opportunities for professionals in the autonomous vehicle development industry.
The company laid off nearly a hundred employees, under 10% of the entire staff, in April. Zoox’s job openings were the same in February as they were in October, however, fallen down 31% since then. While it doesn’t seem promising for prospective employees, you still should apply and see if you win the lottery.
If you are not familiar, comma ai develops integrated third party autonomous driving solutions that retrofit into your car. The make an “open pilot”, which works by taking your car’s radar data and combs it with the camera built into comma hardware. Then the device determines what acceleration, braking, and steering events are required. The company had the mission to solve Level 3 in 3 years.
The Nuro R2 is a self-driving vehicle used only for the delivery of goods. It l transports goods instead of passengers. The vehicle is being tested on public roads in Houston, Texas. What is special about this vehicle is that its the first company to receive an autonomous exemption from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration since its vehicles are designed to carry goods instead of humans.
Lucid Motors, Inc. is an American automotive company specializing in electric cars. The company was founded in 2007, and is based in Newark, California. The company’s CTO, Peter Rawlinson, is the former Tesla Model S chief engineer and their first vehicle is an electric luxury sedan to compete with the Model S.
Lucid is currently best known for supplying batteries to Formula E race cars.
Jobs at Lucid Motors
Good news! CEO of Lucid Motors said that the company is still hiring and moving forward with its plan to bring the Air to production. He told the Silicon Valley Business Journal:
“Leading up to the rise of COVID-19, Lucid had grown to over 1,000 employees and we are maintaining this aggressive growth trajectory even now. We have worked with the HR team to maintain interview schedules for new-hire candidates while switching them to phone calls, and we are also moving forward on talent acquisition strategies.”
The company builds autonomous trucks. From their website:
“TuSimple is a self-driving technology company making it possible for heavy-duty trucks to operate autonomously on highways and surface streets. Founded in 2015, our global headquarters is located in San Diego, and we also operate facilities in Tucson, Shanghai, and Beijing. TuSimple achieved unicorn status in 2019 and is backed by an impressive group of investors which include UPS, NVIDIA, and SINA Corporation among others.”
TuSimple recently unveiled its plans to build out a coast-to-coast freight-hauling business. Following that announcement, US truck maker Navistar had joined forces with TuSimple, to build a self-driving semi-trucks.
Pony.ai is an autonomous vehicle technology company co-located in Silicon Valley, Beijing and Guangzhou. It was founded in late 2016 by two gentlemen: James Peng and Lou Tiancheng – former developers for Baidu.
The startup aims to build reliable autonomous driving solutions. From their website:
“Pony.ai has been committed to revolutionizing the future of transportation by building the safest and most reliable solution for autonomous mobility. Pony.ai has been testing its Robotaxi pilot service, PonyPilot since late 2018 in Guangzhou, China. With PonyPilot, Pony.ai became the first company to launch a Robotaxi operation and offer self-driving car rides to the general public in China. In November 2019, Pony.ai also became the first company to roll out a public-facing Robotaxi pilot service in California, demonstrating its ambition and commitment to mobility services at a global scale.”
$400 million were invested into the company by Toyota. (Feb, 2020)
Embark is building self-driving trucks. Their automated trucks performed cross country rides, operating in rain and fog, and navigating between transfer hubs. The company’s website emphasizes the value of the team and employees, which makes it appealing to job seekers. Below is what they say:
“Embark is assembling a world-class group of engineers from companies like Tesla, Google, Audi and NASA with a professional operations team that averages over a million miles per driver. Working together, we are able to develop a system tailored to the demands of real world trucking.”
Four years ago, in 2016, Nissan announced its self-driving system ProPilot. This ADAS (Advanced Driver Assist System), evolved over time and New ProPilot 2.0 now has 3D mapping navigation, and with its advanced sensors and cameras, it even recognizes pedestrians’ faces.
Created by former MIT faculty Dr. Karl Lagnemma and professor Emilio Frazzoli, self-driving car startup nuTonomy has been getting autonomous cars on roads from Boston to Singapore, where it has been providing autonomous taxis since 2016. NuTonomy has also partnered with Group PSA, owner of European car brand Peugeot SA, to bring self-driving SUVs to Singapore. In August 2016, it launched its autonomous taxi service using a fleet of 6 modified Renault Zoes and Mitsubishi i-MiEVs.
In June 2017, nuTonomy teamed up with Lyft to figure out how autonomous vehicles work in practice, whether they’re put toward ride-sharing or personal ownership. In the same year, in November, nuTonomy joined Aptiv and is now an integral part of Aptiv’s Automated Mobility team.
Jobs at APTIV (NuTonomy)
The company takes serious precautions to prevent the spread of the COVID-19 virus. Read more about it on their career page. Also, they warn you about job scams. Nevertheless, you can apply for Autonomous Vehicle jobs at Aptiv here.
Tesla is one of the early pioneers and leaders in the self-driving cars market. It has the self-driving system “Autopilot” and “Full Self-Driving.”
In his Tweet, Elon Musk wrote: “If you don’t have a college degree, it won’t hold you back from working for Tesla“. “Join AI at Tesla!”. The artificial intelligence team “reports directly to me [and] we meet/email/text almost every day.”
APPLY FOR AI JOB AT TESLA
Autopilot – find jobs related to autonomous vehicles All Jobs – search through all job postings
Uber’s Advanced Technologies Group (ATG) is working on developing self-driving cars. The team consists of world-class researchers, engineers, and product specialists. Company’s mission is to bring safe, reliable self-driving transportation to everyone, everywhere.
Formerly Known As Azevtec, Outrider – the pioneer in autonomous yard operations for logistics hubs, helps large enterprises improve safety and increase efficiency. The only company exclusively focused on automating all aspects of yard operations, Outrider eliminates manual tasks that are hazardous and repetitive. Outrider’s mission is to drive the rapid adoption of sustainable freight transportation by deploying zero-emission systems. Outrider is a private company backed by NEA, 8VC, and other top-tier investors.
Jobs at Outrider.ai
Apply for opened job positions at Outrider.ai here.
Torc Robotics, headquartered in Blacksburg, Virginia, offers a complete autonomous software solution for mobility applications like self-driving cars and transit by working with partners in automotive, transit and technology. The company produces an autonomous technology that retrofits to existing machinery and vehicles. Its custom products, software and automation kits have been used on vehicles in several industries, including military, mining agriculture, and automotive over the last decade.
GM Cruise, commonly referred to as Cruise, is an American self-driving car company headquartered in San Francisco, California. Cruise is a majority-owned subsidiary of GM. Cruise vehicles are purpose-built for self-driving at a dedicated GM manufacturing plant.
Self-driving cars are built on the platform of Chevrolet Bolts. The company also works on its “electric shuttle”.
You need to develop negotiation skills. It is not what you know, but whom you know. It is impossible to build the empire on your own. You will need to work with different people.
No matter what you decide to do in life,
your success will highly depend on your level of emotional intelligence and the ability to successfully negotiate with others
You will use negotiation skills when starting new businesses. You will have to negotiate when buying properties. They are essential in the real estate business. Negotiation skills are also the key to strong and healthy interpersonal relationships. You absolutely must develop and master strong negotiation skills. You will use them in all areas of your life: business, training camps, buy/sell the car, literally anywhere…
To improve this skill I read the book called “Getting Past No” by William Ury. I’ve heard about this book from the Tim Ferris podcast. He strongly suggested this book for anyone who is looking to improve his or her negotiation skills. I also listened to the audiobook copy of it, which I suggest over the paperback. There are a lot of dialogues, which are nicely curated in the audio version. I took the notes and wrote a little summary, which is in easy access from my phone. Every time, I approach any sort of negotiation, I open my notes and refresh my memory on the art of effective negotiation.
Also, there is no pass or fail to master this skill.
Mastering the skill of negotiation is a life long process, which never ends, so don’t stop learning and striving to get better at it
Don’t react – GO TO THE BALCONY
Don’t react. Control your emotions. Listen to what other person said, but don’t react. Pause. Take a break. Find the natural excuse to step away for a few minutes. It helps to have a preset plan or preset excuse. Step back from the situation. Don’t react and “Go to the Balcony” – access the situation from the side. Recognize what’s the other person’s tactic. Name the game. Pause to listen to your body and emotions. Recognize what you are feeling. Don’t channel your emotions and feelings into actions. Slow down the negotiation.
Come up with BATNA – Best alternative to a negotiated agreement. This is the walk-away alternative. While in the balcony, This what you’re going to think of in case if negotiation fails. BATNA should never be better than a negotiated agreement.
Negotiations are more productive when broken into chunks. Have a prepared excuse to take a break. (prepared phone call etc.) Remember the following:
* NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO – NEVER MAKE AN IMPORTANT DECISION ON THE SPOT
* WHATEVER THE CASE – DON’T LET YOURSELF TO BE HURRIED
* YOUR WORST ENEMY – YOUR QUICK REACTION
* ONLY YOU CAN MAKE A DECISION, YOU WILL LATER REGRET
DISARM YOUR OPPONENT – STEP TO HIS SIDE
To disarm means to respond in the way that he doesn’t expect you to. Step to his side. Do the opposite of what he expects – put yourself into his shoes. Listen to him. agree with him whenever you can.
Listen to your opponent. Effective negotiators listen more than they speak. Your opponent needs to know that you heard him. Paraphrase, tell him back what you heard and ask for correction. Paraphrasing means summing up what the other person said and telling it back to him in your own words. Paraphrasing giver the other person a feeling of being understood and thesatisfaction of correcting you.
Acknowledge the other person’s emotions and feelings. Tell him that you understand why he feels this way and if you were in his shoes, you would have the same feelings.
Replace “But” with “Yes, and…”
Ask your opponent for an advice. Ask him: how would you suggest that I proceed? “what would you do if you were in my position? another solving problem question – what makes this deal fair? asking questions is the powerful technique for changing the game structure the question in a way, which cannot be answered with a no. Use the following: How? Why? What?
After you asked the question, do not break the silence. It will feel uncomfortable, but do you need to make the silence work for you. If one question did not lead anywhere, try another one. Successful negotiators ask countless questions.
Change the game. Don’t reject – reframe. Ask problem solving questions.
Change the game. Take whatever they say and reframe it as an attempt to deal with the problem. Ask problem-solving questions, such as:
“Why is it that you want that?”
“What would you do if you were in my shoes?”
“What if we were to…?”
Rather than trying to teach the other side yourself, let the problem be their teacher. Don’t reject: Reframe.
Make is easy to say yes. Build him a golden bridge. Make the outcome appear as a victory to him.
You are a mediator whose job is to make it easy for them to say yes. You need to “build the bridge” for the person to come to the “YES”. You must involve them in the process, incorporating their ideas. Identify their underlying motives and unmet interests, particularly their basic human needs. Figure out how to satisfy those needs. Help them save face and make the outcome appear as a victory for them. Don’t push: Build them a golden bridge.
Make it hard to say no
Don’t fight the opponent, it’s never an option. Educate him on the cost of not coming to the agreement. Reassure him that your goal is mutually satisfactory, not the victory.
If the other side still resists and thinks they can win without negotiating, you need to educate them to the contrary. What will happen if you don’t come to a mutually beneficial solution? Make it hard for them to say no. Speak about the costs of not agreeing. Demonstrate your BATNA, but use it only if necessary. Make sure they know the golden bridge is always open. Don’t escalate, educate.
Five steps to getting Past No
Don’t React. Go to the balcony.
Disarm your opponent. Step to his side.
Change the game. Don’t reject – reframe.
Make it easy to say yes. Build him a golden bridge.
Make it hard to say no. Educate.
When somebody’s asking you hey how are you doing? Answer with the following phrase:
Sounds like you’ve got something on your mind…?
do they really wanna know caviar? Or do you just waiting to tell you what they want from you? They just test the waters to see are you, bathroom, is it a good time for them to ask for something from you?They just trying to talk to you about something, and they try to figure out in what mood you are feeling.
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This post is about me, me, me… Why write? Why post? I believe that my job search experience can be useful for those who are in the same boat as me – in transition. This subject is very relevant because a lot of people had lost their jobs because of the COVID pandemic. I would love to hear your thoughts and if you find at least one useful sentence – I am happy.
Analysis, Data Analytics. I enjoy any kind of analysis. My mind is very analytical and always searches for hidden meanings and connections. I question every step I take. Why? To know. To understand. I analyze everything: my thoughts, feelings, actions, decisions. I break down the things into pieces and analyze the crap out of it. I have inborn strong analytical skills. My brain is wired in that way.
Research and analysis is my meditation. I get joy from such work. My recent position at Uber as an Engineer/Project manager required me to work with lots of raw data. Dry numbers and spreadsheets – boring stuff. I loved it. Whenever I sat down to extract, analyze and try to make sense out of datasets – the time flew. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t stop. I would wait to go to the bathroom, so I can dig deeper. I would hold for so long, that I would almost pee in my pants. That’s how consuming this type of work was to me. I would be afraid to lose that state of mind – the “flow state”. I would often skip on meals and drinks. Not because I didn’t want to eat, but because I didn’t want to interrupt that free fly of my mind. I was comfortable in my thoughts and ideas. I would have to force myself to close the laptop, so I can train. I knew I was exhausting myself mentally and I needed to leave the energy for physical training.
People I used to work with often said that I had a very analytical mind. My co-workers praised me for the research I’ve done on various projects. I was not afraid to approach people and ask questions. I asked a lot, a lot of questions. This might be one of the major reasons why I was able to get into the self-driving vehicle industry and learn. My co-workers would often say how disciplined I was. After the fact, I recently learned that three years ago, when I just started working at Uber as an autonomous vehicle reliability technician management saw the qualities in me that I was not aware of. Now my friend, one of the managers said that they saw how disciplined I was. I had the ability to approach people with questions or suggestions. He said that I was perceived as a very reliable person. They knew that if they were to ask me to do something, I will have it done. There was a “management aura” around me. They saw that I had not only the discipline and the skill of managing my own work and execute on the plan, but also influence others.
Discipline at everything: life and work
I always say: Discipline is Freedom. I really mean it.
Over the course of several years, I managed full-time work with triathlon training and racing. Just for the reference, the training piece typically takes two workouts a day and approximately 15-20 hours a week. I also managed to run several “side hustles” and tried myself as an entrepreneur. I read a lot, I studied, I took courses and I travelled. Oh boy, did I travel?
Because I was interested in so many things, I had to have a system that would help me manage them all. I developed the structure that made it all possible. It all started with “To-Do Lists”. I would have multiple: for work, training, packing for the trips, my dog, my car, reading or studying… Then I evolved to Gant Charts, Calendars and task management tools. I was always on a hunt for tools that would help me organize my life. I was always striving to be as efficient as possible. Why? So, I can fit in more. There are so many cool things I want to try, but I have so much time… I became pretty damn good at managing the most important project – the project of My Life. I read a lot of books in search of structure. Among them are such bestsellers as:
“The 4 Disciplines of Execution: Achieving Your Wildly Important Goals”, by Chris McChesney
“The ONE Thing”, by Gary W
“Getting Things Done”, by David Allen and more…
Every time I would learn about a new managing tool or technique – I would get excited. I am still searching… The point here is that I became very, very good at scheduling and organizing. I get a sense of joy from turning a mess into a nicely organized and structured thing. Everything in my house has its own place. Everything is organized by colour, purpose, size etc… Yes, I know, I am weird in that way, but I need it. It’s not my preference – it’s my physiological and mental need to have everything in order. I feel uncomfortable when it’s not.
The Sport
Triathlon training involves three sports: swimming, cycling and running. Three separate and different projects to manage in a way that when combined, would result in high athletic performance. This sport had though me a lot about planning, scheduling and logistics. I had learned how to self-motivate and push beyond the limits. The discipline that so many people admire in me, I got from the sport.
Entrepreneurship
I have always had a lot of interest in business. I didn’t care what kind of business. If I saw the opportunity, imaginary or real, I would act on it. I’ve attempted several businesses, which are absolutely unrelated to my education or work experience. Dog grooming salon; Pool Cleaning and Maintenance company; High-performance athletic recovery center… and others. There is a lot to tell about those experiences, but the reason I bring it up is the skill I gained. Every business was a project with a lot of moving pieces. Every time I went into the new venture – I mastered this critical skill – project management. I thought I was working on my business, while in fact I was working on myself. Combined with full-time job and training I became pretty damn good at project management.
I’ve been searching
For the past three-four months I’ve been searching. I’ve been asking: What kind of work do you want to be doing? I did a lot of thinking and analysis of the past events. I’ve spoken to a lot of people, trying to get some clarity and insights into my strengths and weaknesses. I thought I figured it out – analytics. While this remains true, it’s so brought and wide opened. You can be financial analyst, business analyst, investment banking analyst. You can work as such in healthcare, aerospace, real estate, autonomous vehicles… you name it. There are so many different industries and businesses and each one offers data analyst positions. I had a direction, but still it was not clear where to go.
The more people I talked to, the clearer it got. I was able to extract the common theme – analytical, disciplined, well organized, self-motivated… How do use these personal traits in a way that bring me money and pleasure from work? Is there is a job that would require such skillset? If not, can I create such a job for myself? No need… there is one.
I have recently applied for an engineering position at very well-known autonomous vehicle company. I passed the phone screening; however, the manager had more questions. The questions seemed unrelated to position I’ve applied because he was asking a lot about my experience managing my businesses and different projects at work. He asked a lot about my experience with analysing data, drawing conclusions and presenting my findings to the broader audiences. His questions made me wonder if he was looking to put me in another position. Indeed, he was. Even knowing I’ve applied for an engineering role; the company suggested a better fit for me – Technical Project Manager.
I didn’t know much about the TPM role, so I went to people who did. I talked to my former co-workers and friends. Some of them had actually worked as TPMs and knew what it’s like from the inside. I asked questions and listened… The more they told me about their work duties the more I realized – this is it. I’ve been already doing all these things, but in my personal life, training and business. I realized that all I’ve been doing is managing different projects. Everyone Whenever I said that I was interviewing for a Project Manager position, they all said that I would be a perfect fit for that. “You were born to be a TPM”, one of them said. This is when it hit me. What is it’s my calling? What if I can get really damn good? What if this is my “superpower” – to bring the structure into the chaos? I got this euphoric feeling that I’ve found something very valuable in me.
Is this it?
I can help people and businesses to organize themselves. I can bring the order and structure. I can move the projects forward by motivating and keeping people accountable. I enjoy talking and learning new things – cross-team networking. I enjoy research – necessary to understand technical detail of the project. There is an analysis piece to this. I love to analyse data – project metrics and status updates. I love presenting the finding of my analysis, finding new ways of doing things, putting together presentations and delivering my findings. I am very good at planning and scheduling. I have a lot of technical experience and a degree in Computer Science. I have in depth understanding of the different business processes – the MBA degree. I have the energy and ability to motivate others. Holly smokes, this is it! It seems that my entire life was preparing me for this.
I felt euphoric. I have discovered what my talents are and what I am naturally good at. I also know where my skills are in demand and what’s the name of such a job. I know where I can get very good at. A have a feeling that I can get pretty good at this. I am confident! A huge sense of relief – I have found what I was searching for. I still don’t have a job, but I am calm and happy because I know exactly what I want to be doing next. I will try wearing a heat of a TPM – Technical Project Manager. And it’s a fully remote position…
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Begin with praise and honest appreciation
It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.
“Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain. The patient still gets the drilling, but the Novocain is pain-killing.” Dale Carnegie
Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
Calling attention to one’s mistakes indirectly works wonders with sensitive people who may resent bitterly any direct criticism. Change the world “but” to “and”.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
You were not born with judgment. That comes only with experience. You have inclination to criticize people.
“… you are twice as old as Josephine. You have had ten thousand times as much business experience. How can you possibly expect her to have your viewpoint, your judgment, your initiative – mediocre thought they may be? And just a minute, Dale, what were you doing at nineteen? Remember the time you did this… and that…?”
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. Praise after you criticize. It will work miracles for you.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
No one likes to take orders.
“He always gave suggestions, not orders. He would say, ‘You might consider this,’ or ‘Do you think that would work?’, ‘What do you think of this? He always gave people the opportunity to do the work themselves; he never told his assistants to do things; he let them do them, let them learn from their own mistakes’.
Instead of giving orders – ask questions. Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it oftentimes stimulates the creativity of the person whom you asked.
Let the other person save face
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement
When criticism is minimized and praise emphasized, the good things people do will be reinforced and the poorer things will atrophy for lack of attention.
“Compared with what we’re out to be, we are only half awake. We are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources. Stating the thing broadly, the human individual thus lives far within his limits. He possesses powers of various sorts which he habitually fails to use” William James
One of these powers is the ability to praise and inspire people with a realization of their latent possibilities.
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
Give a dog good name. If you want to improve a person in a certain respect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.
“Assume a virtue, if you have it not”, W. Shakespeare
Use encouragement Make the fault seem easy to correct
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest
“… he created the impression that by accepting this great honour I would be doing him a favour…”
Dale Carnegie suggest that the leader should:
Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.
Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
Be empathetic. Ask yourself what is the other person really wants.
Consider the benefits to the other person’s wants.
When you make your request, put it in a way that would convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit
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WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
“The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it” Dale Carnegie
BE HONEST
LISTEN FIRST
CONTROL YOUR TEMPER
Welcome the disagreement
LOOK FOR AREAS OF AGREEMENT
Distrust your first instinctive impression
THANK YOUR OPPONENTS SINCERELY FOR THEIR INTEREST
Promise to thinks over your opponent’s ideas and study them carefully
Postpone action to give both sides time to thinks through the problem
Dale Carnegie
You can tell people they are wrong by a look or an intonation or a gesture just as eloquently as you can in words. If you tell them they are wrong, how would you expect them to agree with you? Never! If you are going to prove anything, don’t let anybody know it. Do it subtly, that no one feels that you are doing it.
“You can not teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself.” Galileo
“Be wiser than other people if you can… but don’t tell them so.” Lord Chestfield
We sometimes change our minds without any resistance or heavy emotion, but if we are told we are wrong – we resist and harder our hearts.
When somebody expresses some feeling, attitude or belief, we instantly tell ourselves: “that’s right”, or “that’s stupid”, “that’s not nice”, “that’s stupid”, “that’s unreasonable”. We rarely take time to understand precisely what the meaning of the statement is to the other person. Nothing good is accomplished and a lot of damage can be done if you tell a person straight out that he or she is wrong.
“Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say ‘You are Wrong’!”
Begin in a friendly way
“People don’t want to change their minds. They can’t be forced or driven to agree with you or me. But they may possibly be led to, if we are gentle and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly” Dale Carnegie
To win anyone to your case, you first need to convince him that you are his friend. Here is a short excerpt for you:
… I met him at the door with a friendly greeting. I fairly hubbled with good will and enthusiasm. I did not begin talking about how high they ran was. I began talking about how much I liked his apartment house. I complimented him on the way he ran the building and told him I should like so much to stay for another year but I couldn’t afford it… … without my even asking him to do it, he offered to reduce my rent a little. I wanted more, so I named the figure I could afford to pay… He accepted it without a word…
It DOESN’T PAY TO ARGUE
In talking with people, do not start with discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing and keep on emphasizing the things on which you agree.
That skilful speaker gets a number of “Yeses” at the beginning. This sets the psychological process of the listeners moving in the affirmative direction. The more “Yeses” you can get at the beginning, the more likely you are to succeed in capturing the attention for the ultimate proposal. Try to get that person saying “Yes, yes”.
Handling complaints
Let the other people talk themselves out. Let them tell you a few things. You may be tempted to interrupt, but do not. It’s dangerous. Listen patiently. Encourage them to express their ideas fully. It pays to let the other person do the talking. It helps not only in business, but in family situations.
When our friends excel, they feel important. When we excel at them, they feel inferior and envious. At least some of them. Talk about yourself less and listen more about other people they are more excited to talk about their accomplishments than listening to your boasting. Mention your achievements only when they ask.
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
You have much more faith in ideas with you discover for yourself then in the ideas that are handed to you on the silver spoon. No one like like to feel that he or she is being sold something. We all want to feel that we are buying – we are in control.
“Letting the other person feel that the idea is his or hers not only works in business and politics but in the family as well” Dale Carnegie
“… I learned the best way to convert him to an idea was to plant it in his mind casually, but so as to interest him in it – so as to get him thinking about it on his own…” This is how women rule the world.
Always think from the other person’s point of view
Instead of getting upset – look at the situation from another person’s of view. Let the other person pour out his troubles. Pause and try to think the whole thing through from another person’s point of view.
Harvard Business School Dean, Mr. Donham said: “I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of the office for two hours before an interview than step into “that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what that person was likely to answer…”
Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
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HOW TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
Become genuinely interested in other people
“… you can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get the people interested in you…”,Dale Carnegie
People are not interested in you. They are not interested in me. People are interested only in what they want, not what you want. The only way to influence other people is to talk about what THEY want and show them how to get it.
“… the individual who is not interested in his fellow men has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individual that all human failures spring …”,Adler
“…it is from among such individual that all human failures spring …” – interesting, isn’t it? If you enjoy writing and want to become a famous author, you first need to get interested in other people. If the author does not like people, they won’t read his or hers stories. You have to be interested in people if you want to be successful in writing stories.
To be genuinely interested in other people – is the most important quality for a salesman. For any men.
If you want to make friends, greet people with animation and a smile. Nobody wants to see your sad facial expression. Nobody wants to hear you complain. Smile! Express enthusiasm when meeting people!
SMILE
” The expression one wears on one’s face is far more important than the clothes one wears”,Dale Carnegie
You will not succeed in anything you do, unless you like and enjoy doing it. You must have good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you.
Whenever you go out-of-doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost. Drink in the sunshine. Greet your friends with a smile, and put soul into every handclasp.
“A man without a smiling face must not open a shop”,Ancient Chinese Proverb
Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound
One of the first Irish Catholic politicians in American history to achieve success on a national level.
Whenever he met a new person, he found out his or her complete name and some facts about his or her family, business and political opinions. Even a year later, he was able to shake hands, inquire after the family, and ask about the hollyhocks in the backyard.
The average person is more interested in his or her own name more than in all the other names on Earth put together. The policy of remembering and honoring the names of his friends and business associates was one of the secrets of Andrew Carnegie’s leadership.
If you didn’t hear the name distinctly. If it’s an unusual one, it is okay to ask to spell it. How is it spelled? Repeat the name several times in your mind. Try to create associations with it. Remember it.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
Pay exclusive attention to the person that talk to you. It is very important. Nothing else is so flattering than that.
Whenever somebody complains – listen to that person and let him or her express himself. Let the person enjoy himself pouring out his tirade. What that person really wants is the feeling of importance. He kicks and complains just to get the attention he desires.
If you try to make a good impression on someone – listen. Many people fail to make a favorable impression because they don’t listen attentively.
“… they have been so much concerned with what they are going to say next that they do not keep their ears open”, F. Marcosson.
“Very important people have told me that they prefer good listeners to good talkers”, D. Carnegie.
He never listens to anyone for long. He talks incessantly about himself. If he has and idea while the other person talks, he won’t wait for him or her to finish: bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a sentence. Sounds familiar? Don’t be that guy.
“To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that the other person will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.”, D. Carnegie.
Talk in terms of other people interests
You know that you have an important meeting tomorrow. Doesn’t matter weather it’s a business or personal meeting, there is a way to prepare. Sit down and read up on the subject in which you know your guest is particularly interested. The royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.
Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely
Always make the other person feel important. Desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature. People crave to be appreciated.
Jesus taught: “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. Give unto others what we would have others give us. All the time, everywhere.”
People usually are trying so hard to be understood, so they totally forget to just listen. Even if they do listen, they are preparing for speaking, they listen with the intend to reply. The conversations between people feels more like monologues. Don’t rush things up, don’t try to fix it or give an immediate advice. First, completely understand the problem.
If you want to interact with people effectively, if you want to influence people – you need to understand them. You have to build the skill of empathetic listening and you have to gain trust.
There are 4 levels of listening:
Ignoring
Pretending
Selective Listening
Autobiographical Listening
Empathic Listening
When we listen autobiographically we:
Evaluate (agree or disagree)
Probe (asking questions from our own frame of reference);
Advice (give advice based on our own experiences);
Interpret (we try to explain people’s feeling and behaviors based on our own experiences);
Listening empathetically means seeking first to understand, to see the world the other person sees it, to understand how he/she feels. You need to understand what is really happening in another person’s head and heart. It’s a communication of souls.
There are 3 stages of listening empathetically:
Mimic. It is also called active or reflective listening. You simply listen to the words the other person says and you repeat them.
Rephrase. Same as previous, but you rephrase the content.
Reflect Feelings. You’re not paying as much attention to what is being said, but to the feelings of other person. You rephrase the content and adding the feelings. Put to the side your own experiences and try to understand the real issue.
People want to be understood, people want to be heard. No matter how much time time it takes to truly listen and understand another person, it will bring greater returns. The person will feel relieved and deeply understood. You will build trust.
Every person’s world perception is different. You might be living through the family-centered glasses; I might be living through the money or self-centered glasses. We both lived this way for years and totally convinced that its the only right way to live. When we begin interacting, working with other people that have different perspectives on life, we face misunderstanding.
Here is how using the approach of empathetic listening can help you to develop trust and understanding when negotiating or trying to make a Win/Win deal:
Go over the material (contract, agreement, proposal etc.).
Rephrase the content.
Reflect the feelings. Make sure you understand what’s important to the other side.
Explain concerns and feelings from your side.
Come up with the solution that will benefit both sides.
Seeking first to understand also makes you a good presenter. There are three key parts to making an effective presentation:
Ethos. The trust and appreciation people have towards you. It’s your character and relationships with people.
Pathos. The way you make other people feel.
Logos. Logic and reasoning behind the information you present.
You need to learn to present your ideas clearly, specifically, visually and in the context of other people’s objectives, feelings, concerns. Put away your own autobiography, experience and seek to understand other people first, see the life through each other’s lenses.
References:
COVEY, S. R. (2004). The 7 habits of highly effective people: restoring the character ethic. New York, Free Press.
