The first snow. I realize how cold and long this winter will be. It’s been five months and two weeks since I lost my job. I tried a bunch of things to make a living, but none of them put me a single dollar in my pocket. It’s discouraging.
I lost respect to my friend Jeremy – the photographer I met in Banff. We met in a downtown cafe where he was working on his photo project. Driving from town to town, he took photos of the local murals. His plan was to stack all pictures in one large collage and try to cell it to the local government agencies like town halls and airports. He envisioned his work to be printed on the large scale as a representation of the local art. If the plan worked out and people started buying his art – he would make a living out of it. “Nobody else has done anything like this before” – he said. He thought that this job would perfectly match his lifestyle, where he travels on his terms, while also making money. Once saved up enough, he would buy a campervan and continue his travels in comfort and style. That would be a huge jump for him, considering that he spent the last two months living out of his old toyota yaris. Blue colour, tiny car, with different sets of rims has his home on wheels. I was always amazed how he managed to live there with his large dog for so long. He said he liked it.
The time had passed and we both settled down in Kelowna, British Columbia. We both were tired from traveling and needed a place where we could focus on our projects. I remember how determined and excited he was when we just came in. “I will work day and night to get this project done”, he said. “I will sell it and then move on to another, in a different city”. He seemed that he knew exactly what he was doing and I believed him.
We rented out the same office space in a coworking facility. One morning, when I came in, I caught him sleeping in his sleeping bag right on the bench. His dog was barking. This made me angry because if caught, he would get us both in trouble. I really liked my office space and didn’t want to lose it. Couldn’t hide my frustration, we had an uncomfortable conversation the same morning.
A few days went by and I asked how his project was coming out. I wanted to see that great art work that he spent so much time on. “…it’s not that great”, he replied. He said that he didn’t really like it anymore and wasn’t sure if anyone would buy it. “How do you know? Have you tried reaching out to people?”, I asked. Negative. “Have you finished building your website?” – negative. In fact, I noticed that all he was doing on his computer is playing online games.
Few days later he said that he will be going back home to Montreal in a few weeks. He might go back to school to study asian culture. Or he might continue working as a physiotherapist. Or he… had no idea what he would do. “I will buy myself the latest PlayStation”, he said. I worked hard, but it didn’t workout the way I wanted. He also bought a gym membership and said that he will start going there on a regular basis. “I need to get in shape”, he said, but never did go. I was really disappointed in my friend… 42 years old, no kids, no relationships, no assets or savings. The man lives day by day without giving much thought about the future. Today he is excited about his photo project, tomorrow he applies to school to study the Asian culture. “Where will you get the money for school?”, I asked. “I’ll take a student loan”, he replied casually.
Trying not to judge, but I was really disappointed to learn more about him. Back in Banff, he seemed like an interesting man. We had deep spiritual conversations. He seemed like an intelligent person with a lot of life experience. Being inconsistent in his pursuits, he rarely finished anything. There was a part of him in me. I was looking in a mirror of who I could become in the future if I was doing only the things that excite me. Once the excitement is over – move to another thing. Play video games and burn the days. “Life was meant to be enjoyed”, he said. “Experiences – is what really matters”, he said. I agree, but I also feel that there is something missing. I don’t want to live like that – like an addict in search for the next dopamine spike, jumping from one idea to another. I don’t want to find myself at the age of 40 without having done anything that I could be proud of. If not a family, I want to have at least one person who truly cares about me. I want to keep my promises and do as I say I will. I want to be a man who lives his life strategically and not being bounced around as a leaf on a tree. I want to be a man, who decides what to do and executed until the work is done.
Days are passing by, Jeremy is playing his games. A grown man, with no purpose or goal in life. An example of a person who lives by the flow. He follows the current of life without making any effort to change direction. An example of a man I don’t want to be.
Ever since I hit the road in my spaceship, I’ve met so many smart people. I had so many interesting conversations. The universe is helping me to bring my ideas to life. It guides me to find my “Whys”. It almost feels like I am losing control over my life and something bigger sucks me in. On this path, people reach out and often offer their help. People are open and nice to me. I am open to the point, where I don’t even recognize myself. I am in a new world. I change. I transform into someone different. Not better or worse…
I feel that I am onto something. I think I can see the path to follow. I start understanding myself better and tap into new aspects of my personality. There is a new feeling that’s been buzzing in the back of my mind. The faith. Not in God, but myself. It feels like something greater is taking care of me. I have this weird sense of confidence in myself. For some reason, everything that happens feels like a part of the plan. My problems are still there, but I am calm. I might be going crazy…
I know that I can build something great. It’s almost scary because I get answers to all my questions. I am being told exactly what I need to do to succeed. There are no more secrets to success. Know what you want and ask for it. The path is clear and understandable. I’ve had more social interactions in the past month than I’ve had in a year. I met almost 100 people in the past several weeks. My ideas are the conductors between me and people. My ideas connect with me to others. My ideas inspire me and give me the energy to live. People feel that energy and drive.
If you have enough money to solve a problem, then you don’t have a problem
A man who dares to waste one hour of life has not discovered the value of life — Charles Darwin
There is no limit to the amount of good you can do if you don’t care who gets the credit — Ronald Reagan
Try not to become a man of success but a man of value. A man of value will give more than he receives — Albert Einstein
“Lessons are repeated until learned” — Dr Chérie Carter – Scott
The ability of the average man could be doubled if the situation demanded. In psychology, this idea is called the Pygmalion Effect.
“How” costs a lot of time.
Make the mental image. Make it clear. The ways and means will develop. Supply will follow the demand. You will be led to do the right thing at the right time and in the right way.
Personal confidence comes from making progress toward goals that are far bigger than your present capabilities.
As you get others involved that action enhances your desire and motivation to get serious and get focused. You put yourself in a situation where you rise to a higher occasion and where you have other people committed to helping you succeed.
“Who” expands your vision for what is possible because you no longer see yourself as the sole means of achieving the result. “Who” immediately connects you with different knowledge insights and capabilities.
You can survive without a community but you can’t thrive without one.
A core aspect of leadership is being explicit about the vision. The more explicit you are in what you want the faster you’ll attract the right Whos to help you achieve that vision.
The leader explains the What and Why and then allows the Who to execute the How as you engage in relationships you expand your efficacy as a person. Your efficacy is your ability to produce results.
Being able to articulate and express your goals is one of the most important and fundamental skills necessary for success. Only when your goal is clearly defined and persuasively expressed can you start getting the support you need to achieve your goals.
It is the role of the leader to determine what — which is the desired outcome or goal — and to provide clear feedback and direction when needed. It is not the role of the leader to explain how the job is done. The Who determines how they will best go about getting the job done. All they need is clarity about what specifically done looks like.
Be radically explicit about your goals Ask yourself: Who can help me accomplish this goal?
…before Joe connects with someone he does his homework. He wants to really know who the person is, what their context is, what they value, what they care about and what they’re trying to accomplish. Only then can he approach the relationship in a relevant and mindful way for the sole purpose of providing incredible value to them.
Breaking down your goals into 90-day incrementsis good for focus and motivation. By chunking down your goals into smaller steps you can focus more directly on what is right in front of you. You can make tangible and short-term progress and then look back every 90 days and measure tangible progress. This gives a sense of movement and momentum.
By letting Whos take care of the Hows the final product will actually be different and better than you initially imagined.
By seeing Whos as an investment rather than a cost you can create transformational relationships in which all parties give more than they take rather than transactional ones.
Don’t reach out to someone unless you have something meaningful to offer them.
Eliminating decision fatigue from your life should be one of your primary goals if you want to be a high performer and increase your income.
Every goal or project you initiate starts a new game. Each game requires different pieces and players — different Whos.
…he now lives every single day like it could be his last and even created an acronym for time: Today Is My Everything.
I used to hold on to my ideas much longer trying to refine them myself before sharing them with the audience. I was far less open to having the ideas changed through feedback It required far more courage to share the ideas back then. But I’ve done it so much now that my courage has been replaced with confidence.
Ideas generally come while you’re at home or in transit or during recreational activity. You need time and space and the most important relaxation and recovery to allow ideas and solutions to ferment and form.
If you are like most people the first thing you do when you imagine a bigger future is to ask yourself: How do I achieve this goal? Although this question seems intuitive it’s actually the worst possible question you could ask.
If you don’t yet know how to connect with people in this more conscious and reciprocal manner a great way to learn is simply by volunteering. Learn to serve other people without any expectation for reward. Learn to devote yourself to a cause and to other people’s goals even if you get no fanfare.
If you have enough money to solve a problem then you don’t have a problem.
If you want to get progressively bigger and better results in your life then you’ll need Whos, not Hows.
If you’re focused on doing everything yourself then you are dramatically limiting the resources you can direct toward your goals. If your resources are limited your potential your options and your future are limited too.
If you’re going to apply higher levels of teamwork in your life you’ll need to relinquish control over how things get done.
In order to create the right types of relationships, you need to be very clear about what you want. Not only do you have to know what you want but you must clearly communicate your desires to others.
It is only through teamwork and collaboration that you can achieve things you previously thought impossible. Things you can’t even dream of or imagine in your present situation.
Joe seesrelationships like he sees clothing. If an outfit doesn’t fit right if it’s too tight or too baggy or if it’s not functional then the relationship doesn’t make sense.
The opposite of addiction is not sobriety — it is human connection.
Never enter a relationship without having first created value in that relationship. Never stop creating value and nurturing your relationships. Always ask What’s in it for them? rather than What’s in it for me? Know what the other person cares about. Get to know them, their context and their goals. Give relevant value. Don’t waste their time. Do your homework. If you want to develop transformational relationships then approach relationships in a transformational rather than transactional way. Bring a result to the table. Make the pie bigger for everyone involved. Don’t come with big promises of future results. Bring immediate results. Don’t promise what you can’t deliver. Be a generous giver who is truly committed to service and growth, not status.
Be nice to the people you meet on the way up because they are the same people you meet on the way down. Be grateful in large and small ways to the people in your life and you’ll attract an incredible abundance.
Once I’ve gotten the idea 50 percent formed then it’s time to tes
t it on the audience who provides the other 50 percent. Every time I share the initial concept I’m always surprised by the feedback and comments I get.
Looking back over the past quarter what are the things you have achieved that make you the proudest? What are the current areas of focus and progress that make you the most confident? Looking ahead at the next quarter what new developments projects or goals are giving you the greatest sense of excitement? What are the five new jumps (progress) you can now achieve that will make your next 90 days a great quarter regardless of what else happens?
Procrastination is a psychological phenomenon that occurs when you really want something more for yourself, but you lack the knowledge and capability to do it. What procrastination means is that your goal or ambition is great. It’s something you’d like for yourself but you’re not the right person to execute the plan. Procrastination is a very powerful signal telling you that it’s time to get another Who involved. You’re stuck You need help.
Research has shown that the number one deathbed regret for most people is that they never took steps to do what they truly wanted to do with their lives. Instead, they procrastinated when it came to realizing their deepest dreams and settled for less.
Research shows that between 85–95 percent of college students are chronic procrastinators — meaning they cannot get themselves to do the work they need to do and as a result experience negative and undesired consequences.
The bigger your personal ambition the more procrastination you’ll experience. Everyone who is ambitious procrastinates.
Results, not the effort, is the name of the game. You are rewarded in life by the results you produce not the effort and time you put in.
Shift the question to Who can help me with this? By doing so you can stop procrastinating and feeling discouraged Instead you can experience an injection of energy confidence and creativity.
Supply actually follows perceived demand. When you believe something must be done, you somehow find the ability to get it done. This is why deadlines are so powerful. When there is a demand or requirement you find the motivation.
That’s what real leadership is: Creating and clarifying the vision ( the what ) and giving that vision greater context and importance ( the why ) for all Whos involved. Once what and why have clearly been established the specified Who or Whos have all they need to go about executing the How. All the leader needs to do at that point is to support and encourage the Who ( s ) through the process.
The best way to measure your progress is by noting the amount and quality of collaborations happening in your life.
The research is very clear on this point: the more decisions you have to make the lower the quality those decisions will become. You need to make fewer but better decisions.
The resources you obtain through relationships can be material like money possessions or friendship networks. But resources also include the other person’s perspectives such as how they appreciate the world and ascribe explanations for people’s behaviours. Resources may even be their time, attention or help.
There is an army of ready and willing Whos; capable people out there who want to do the very work you need to be done. All you need to do is communicate your vision to those people and define what successful completion looks like.
…together they co-founded a band called Metallica which went on to sell more than 100 million albums. It all started because Ulrich knew what he wanted. He put his desire on paper and his goal attracted the right Who.
TRANSFORMATIONAL LEADERS GIVE THE VISION AND GET OUT OF THE WAY
What would be possible for you if your capabilities and potential were expanded by other brilliant Whos?
What you can accomplish in relation to some people is very different from what you can do in relation to others. What you can become with some people is different than with others.
When the demands are high we show up. When they are low we settle.
When you develop collaborations particularly with world-class talent projects and businesses, you quickly expand far beyond the initial concept.
When you do find that Who you’ll see how ridiculously simple it was for them to produce your desired result then you’ll begin to see just how small you’ve been playing.
When you’re investment-minded you’re not short-term in your thinking. You consider the bigger picture and you look at how you can help the right people without coming across as transactional.
When you’ve defined what you want — and are very clear on all of the criteria for success — then you’ve got something that you can not only visualize but communicate.
Who has the skills, knowledge, connections and expertise to get this done ASAP? Who Not How is about teaching you how to focus on what you can do and then finding other Whos to do what they can do.
You absolutely need a Who if you’re trying to accomplish something new and challenging unless you’re fine not getting the result you want in the near future.
You expand yourself and your efficacy through relationships! Ultimately anyone who becomes highly successful does so through relationships.
You need an environment and situation forcing you to rise up to the level of your goals. In order to do that you need to increase the demand on yourself and others to produce the desired result.
Pressure can bust pipes or make a diamond. You need the pressure to succeed. You add that pressure by increasing your investment.
Your ability to succeed is based on the quality of the people in your life.
Your attention and energy should not be spread thin but purposefully directed where you can experience extreme flow and creativity.
Your efficacy as a person is based on the resources you have which are a direct by-product of your relationships. Every relationship can be viewed as teamwork directed toward a purpose.
Your team can and should operate seamlessly without you. This should be the goal of every entrepreneur. Having the freedom to relax recover play or do whatever you want is crucial for entrepreneurial creativity success and longevity.
Zig Ziglar once said: “You can have everything in life you want if you will just help other people get what they want“. Helping people get what they want doesn’t mean you’re doing all the Hows but rather that through your resources whatever those may be. You can enable them to get what they want and need.
Ideas are not static. They are fluid. Don’t force yourself into the “plan”. Be flexible. My original startup idea had changed. The Universe showed me the middle finger and said it will not workout. It’s all I had. What do I do now? Is it a test? Continue pushing or drop it?
Your goals change over time. The original ideas take different forms and shapes. Don’t be a stubborn donkey that fights his way through. The original idea gave you direction, not a destination. Adjust -> Iterate.
I’ve spoken to a lot of people. How did the world accept your ideas? What was the feedback? Did you change your vision? You did. It is totally fine to change your plan. Reflect -> Adjust -> Iterate.
Focus. Decide what to keep and what to get rid of. What do you need at this point in time to take the next step? What people do you need on your team? What did you already learn? Reflect -> Adjust -> Iterate.
Maintain the Energy High. Remember: the energy will not last forever. Use it wisely. How can you keep your work exciting and fun? Use humour. Simulate a sense of urgency.
The original plan was to spend the winter in Vancouver or Victoria Island. The absence of snow and somewhat warmer climate promised me a comfortable winter, where I can train and work. I lasted almost a week in Vancouver – hated it. Specifically:
Rain. It constantly rains. Six days a week. Yes, it’s a bit warmer than the rest of British Columbia, however, I am not sure if I can deal with constant raining. The choice was either +5 degrees and constant rain or -10 with more sun and less precipitation. I need the sun;
Lockdown. Everything was closed due to COVID. All the swimming pools were drained and I couldn’t find a single one in the city. There were so few gyms that were open and they all required ahead of time registration. Most of the facilities won’t even let me in, as I am a newcomer. I needed a pool to swim and the gym to workout. I hate having to jump through hoops just to get my workout in;
Parking. I lived full time in my spaceship. I needed a safe place, where I could leave my camper. Ideally, with the power connection. It is a pain in the butt to find parking in the city. Everything is paid. The only legitimate option was to find something on the outskirts of Vancouver. This meant that had to commute to the city. Why? To co-working/office space;
Workspace. I am more productive working from the “office”. I need that environment. Co-working spaces I attended in Vancouver are either of a high price or don’t accept new members because of COVID. Libraries are closed. Most of the cafes didn’t allow to sit in. I couldn’t find a good place for work;
Didn’t feel right. I felt uncomfortable in the city of Vancouver. I forgot what it was like to live in a big city. I felt drained and low on energy. On the second day, I wanted to leave. I didn’t like all those masks, rules and regulations… People seemed scared. I could feel the tension in the air;
I wanted to visit Victoria island and explore more of Vancouver. I knew that one week was not enough to judge the city, however, I did not want to spend any longer there. I was fully immersed in my startup idea on which I was working for the past month. I had a hard time deciding on whether to stay or leave. I knew that Vancouver had more opportunities for me, however, I didn’t like it. I knew that I could find a spot for a camper and the gym to work out, however, I didn’t feel welcomed in Vancouver. While deciding on either to stay or leave, I put my priorities on the table:
Work/business
Sport
I was really passionate about my startup idea and I needed an office or some kind of workspace, where I can work on it. A place, where I could focus and be productive. Sport payed a huge role in my life, so I also needed a pool to swim, a gym and the road to cycle. I needed to find a place, where I can drop my camper off and feel safe. It had to be cheap and with a power connection.
Kelowna. I left Vancouver after only one week. I went back to Kelowna – a small town, four hours east. I’ve spent there three weeks while on my way to Vancouver. I’ve found there the office space. I had a pool to swim and the gym. People seemed to be more relaxed and friendly. No masks, no restrictions. It almost seemed like COVID did not exist in Kelowna.
I decided to make Kelowna my home for the next few months. I was eager to work on my project and I felt like it was a place, where I could dive into it. I found a great co-working place to work from. I got a pool/gym membership. I was tired from moving and needed to create the routine. I wanted to be stationary for some time.
It was the end of October. COVID hit again and I my friend from Montreal and Toronto told me that things got pretty bad there. It was depressing. I still couldn’t find a job. No money were coming in. I felt anxiety creeping on me. The sense of urgency was buzzing on a back of my mind. I needed to figure something out. I needed to pull myself out that hole.
Once in Kelowna, I decided to go fully into my startup. I would work my ass off – day and night. I would give it all my time and energy. No more traveling. No more driving around. Train -> Work -> Sleep -> Repeat. I felt uncomfortable with my situation at that moment. I could do so much better. It was the time to push through. Focused work.
What if I couldn’t bring my ideas to life? What if my startup failed? Those questions gave me a lot of anxiety. I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing, however I believed that no matter what, my work will pay off. It had to pay off in some way. I really wanted to create something out of nothing. I told myself that I would work like a dog and if I fail, I would buy the latest PlayStation and get lost in games. I will say f@ck you world and lock myself in my camper. I will find an easy part-time job just to buy enough wine and fastfood. I would lay on my couch, play games and stuff myself with junk food. Pizzas, donuts, chips, ice-cream… I’ll become a fat f@ck, but I won’t care. I won’t even look in the mirror. This was the backup plan. PlayStation.
I arrived back in Kelowna with a very strong intend to make this business work. I worked hard. That week I stumbled on the article on BBC. I found out about exactly the same startup that was launched two months ago in Toronto. Companies website described my idea word to word. Unbelievable.
I felt a little bit down, however it proved my theory that there was a demand for such a space. The next day I had a few meetings among which was one with a reputable local investor. This was our second video call. During our 90 minutes conversation he gently shredded my idea. His points were logical and made sense. I could not, but agree with him.
I was so excited a month ago. I was absolutely convinced that I was onto something. That idea was all I had. It kept me going. Now I felt how she leaves me. What should I do? Where to go?
How many times did you go fully into something? How many times did you risk it all? How many times were you so scared, that you prayed to God? Not many…
You want to play it safe. You always have a backup plan. “If this happens, then I’ll do that…” You have your parent’s house, where you can always wait out. There, you will be fed and taken care of. That’s the luxury I don’t have. Your life is safe and comfortable. You live as if you have infinite time on this planet. If you don’t think so, then what are you waiting for? This day may be your last day on this planet. You strive to live a balanced life. Rosy cheeks, little belly, perfect haircut and a pair of brand new white Converse. Disgusting…
Do you know what’s also disgusting? – Making promises that you never keep. You can lie to others, but stop lying to yourself.
A man is only as good as his word
You are a perfectionist. You always need to do everything perfectly right. Apples to apples, everything in perfect order. It only slows you down. Forget the need to be perfect. Do anything to stay off debt. Putting financial pressure and the need to be perfect kills creativity. It shuts the brain off and all you can think of is where the next paycheck is going to come from.
Once you decide to do something – commit. How many times in your life did you commit to one thing? One thing, at the exclusion of everything else. Not too many. You want it all. You are afraid to miss out. FOMO is rear.
You need to trust in your own abilities. If you don’t believe that you can accomplish what you set to do, then why do? Damit dude, if you don’t believe in yourself, why should I? No one cares. You need to trust in your creative abilities. You need to trust in yourself. You can stand next to the mirror and repeat all day long: I can do it. That’s nothing but masturbation. Disgusting. You either do it or not! If it’s going to be a failure, I would rather fail fast and get over it.
I constantly fighting the self-doubt in my head. “Fuck you”, I tell myself every time I get that voice telling me what’s possible and what’s not. That’s the voice of my parents, teachers, high school bullies and bosses. “I set the rules in my life. I decide what to do and when to do. I determine what’s possible or not.”
Trust in yourself
Since childhood, we’ve been taught that the harder you work – the better of a student/ worker you are. Bullshit! Struggling and suffering are not necessary for creating something great. You can’t create anything great if you are miserable.
Suffering is optional
To have the courage to go against the norm. To be brave to take on the chances. To leave the comfort. To disappear. To be wrong. To make mistakes. To fuck it all up. To upset other people. To make others cry and yell at you. To be named all kinds of names. Do you have the balls to go fully into one thing and be wrong? Do you have the balls to announce to the entire world something that will be known to be completely wrong? Are you strong enough to lose everything that you value? In fact, what do you have to lose? You are afraid. You are full of fear.
Your fear is boring
Your fear is boring. It is predictable and it is the same from day-to-day. Your fear is always making predictable decisions. It always tells you one thing: Stop! Stop, stop. It does not rationalize or think logically. It’s a stupid, stubborn, fat neighbour that you live with. It always tells you what to do… because it cares for you. It tries to prevent its little pet from hurting himself. The fear knows all the rules you need to follow, but even better than that, it knows the outcomes of breaking those rules. Your fear is not unique. It wears what’s in style, just so you don’t stand out. Your fear is nothing but a mass-produced item, available on the shelves of every store. A byproduct of evolution that made survival possible. They won’t kill you. They won’t eat you… but you are still afraid.
They won’t kill you They won’t eat you
You are afraid to fully invest in one thing. Getting inspired by the idea is both exciting and scary. Now you need to decide whether to pursue it or let it pass. The idea is big and it will require all your time and energy. You know that if you go fully in, you will have to say no to the rest. Don’t try to sit on two chairs with one ass. Your curiosity won’t let you pass on the new exciting idea, but your fear won’t let you fully dedicate yourself either. You try to play it safe – do it on the side. You don’t have enough time. You need to pay the bills. Half-heartedly you do something, just to prove that it won’t work. You are weak.
you can’t sit on two chairs with one ass
You were an almost straight “A” student at school. Teachers told your parents that you could easily be one of the best students… only if you were interested in studying. An average student at University. 3.95 GPA in graduate school. Almost… Almost first in triathlons and endurance racing. Came in fourth, third, second places… Almost good enough. Almost started successful businesses, almost profitable. Enough! I know for a fact that there is something that you can be exceptionally good at. There is something inside of you that tries to get out and express itself. It’s there, it scratches the walls of your mind. Let it out!
You are Almost great
You are afraid to be consumed by it. You are afraid to commit to one thing. You are afraid of this “something”. Few times in your life, you experienced this feeling of “flow”. You were driven. Call it a passion or inspiration. You were in the flow state, where time did not matter. A continuous stream of thoughts and ideas. A beautiful state to be in. You did not care about anything else in the world. Nothing else mattered while you were fully consumed by it. You would not eat or drink. You would even hold off to go to the washroom. You were afraid to move your body, so you don’t scare away that flow state. Passion…
I want to make my life a continuous meditation. I want to live in that state. I can create something beautiful. Where is the key? How do I let this something out? Fuck, I don’t care if it takes over me. I am tired of being “almost” there… almost very good at something. Stop doing things half-heartedly. Stop playing safe. Go all in!
You are afraid to go All in
I made a promise to myself to pursue my passion for entrepreneurship and create something that I can be proud of and needed by others. I made a promise to fully commit to my passion and go fully in. I will try different ideas until I succeed. I will continue asking and failing until I succeed in my own eyes. I want to be great for myself. I realize that I might never succeed, but I don’t care. In the end, if I knew that I gave it all and followed my dreams, I will be content. There were a lot of promises that I broke. But this time, I will do everything possible to keep it.
I don’t care what you put in the word “Success”. I don’t want to be successful. Call me a loser, an idiot – I don’t care. All I want is to be proud of my own work. I want to express myself in a way that is both, enjoyable to me and useful to others. My work is my art. I want my art to be meditative. I want to be in “flow”. I want to be an artist in whatever I do. Once finished, I want to step back, look at what I’ve created and cry from happiness. I want to find it hard to believe that it was me who’ve done it. I want to enjoy the process and then celebrate the results. Fulfillment. Joy.
Over a year ago, I had an idea to open an “Athletic Recovery Center”. To give you an idea, it was my problem statement: “I solve the problem of limited access to advanced recovery and performance tools used by professional and elite athletes for people who participate in demanding sports like triathlon, CrossFit, cycling, running, swimming, etc. on professional and amateur levels because proper recovery is a key factor in enhancing performance and injury prevention.“
It meant to be a studio in downtown Toronto. I named it the “Recovery Room”. Nothing like this was in the city at that moment and I was excited to be the first. In fact, such service was not very well developed in Canada at that time, so I had little to no competition on the provincial level. I was inspired and driven as I truly believed that it was going to work out. Few months in, I tested the market and determined that there was not enough demand to run a profitable business. I tried different things, but to cut a long story short – I abandoned the idea.
A year later I arrived in Kelowna. A small town in British Columbia, where I had a meeting with my friend at the local cafe. I pulled into the parking and saw this… “The Recovery SPA”. “No, this is not what I am thinking this is”, I thought to myself. Forget the friend who is waiting, I went straight to the entrance door of this place.
I requested the tour. The owner was walking me around his business, showing different equipment and explaining the purpose of each. I knew it all and I could not stop smiling. This was EXACTLY the place I wanted to build in Toronto. I created the 3D model of the facility and the layout was almost identical. I also had the same equipment listed in my business plan. I could not believe how close to my drawings this guy was. It seemed as if he copied my business plan in it’s fine details. Unbelievable.
I wanted to learn more about how the founder came up with that idea, so I asked him out on a walk. Motorcycle accident, prolonged rehabilitation, then he got interested in triathlons… at the end – “The Recovery SPA”. What was fascinating to me is that we both got inspired by the same idea almost at the same time last year. A guy, on the opposite side of the country, five thousand kilometers away… Very interesting… I thought to myself.
Phenomenon of “Multiple Discovery”
Have you ever heard of the concept of “multiple discovery”? Also known as simultaneous invention, it is the hypothesis that most scientific discoveries and inventions are made independently and more or less simultaneously by multiple scientists and inventors. According to Wikipedia, this is a known phenomenon and there are examples:
British physicist-chemist Joseph Swan independently developed the incandescent light bulb at the same time as American inventor Thomas Edison was independently working on his incandescent light bulb
1895: Adrenaline was discovered by the Polish physiologist Napoleon Cybulski. It was independently discovered in 1900 by the Japanese chemist Jōkichi Takamine and his assistant Keizo Uenaka.
1839: Louis Daguerre and Henry Fox Talbot invented the first photographic methods.
1869: Louis Ducos du Hauron and Charles Cros present the earliest workable methods of colour photography on the same day.
What if ideas and creative force are not created by humans? We think that we come up with ideas and create something new, but in reality, those ideas already existed, before we even thought about them. We just received them as the radio receives the signal from the tower. What if ideas are independent living creatures that exist on their own? They are invisible to the human eye, however, it doesn’t mean they don’t exist. They are completely separate from us but capable of interacting with us. Ideas have no material body, but they do have consciousness, and will. The idea’s main mission is to be manifested in the material world. The only way an idea can manifest in our world is through collaboration with a human partner. Only the human can transmute the idea from its raw form into the realm of the actual.
Ideas are all over us, flying around and searching for a capable and willing human partner. They see people as tools for work. Big ideas require a lot of energy, therefore they need strong human beings to give them birth. Sick and low on energy, will not handle such a task. There is all kinds of work to do and each requires a different set of tools. You won’t put the nail into the wall with a fork. You need the right tool. If the task is not very demanding, you might get away with a cheap Chinese toolkit. However, the more difficult the idea is – the better tools it requires for its own manifestation.
The more capable the person is – the bigger ideas chose to collaborate with that individual
When an idea thinks it has found somebody—say, you—who might be able to bring it into the world, the idea will pay you a visit. Out of nothing, you will get hit by inspiration. The lightbulb will light up.
It’s easy to miss the idea. You aren’t receptive to inspiration when you’re so consumed by your own dramas, worries, anxieties, distractions, insecurities, and duties. If you are attentive, you will start seeing the omens and signs that point you toward the idea. Everything around will remind you of the idea. It will wake you up in the middle of the night and distract you from your everyday routine. The idea will not leave you alone until it has your fullest attention. The idea will try to get noticed by you, but if it realizes that you’re non-receptive to its message, it will move on to someone else. Once you notice it – the light bulb will come on. Eureka! You will get this burst of energy out of nowhere. You will get excited and motivated.
Ideas are clots of energy. They feed their human with its energy so he or she can implement them in the world. There are strong and weak ones. Sometimes you get such powerful ideas, that they almost burn you from the inside with their energies.
Once the idea has chosen you, there are two choices to make. Yes or no. If you had chosen that you won’t pursue this idea – you are free to move on with your life. You are off the hook. Most people chose to come up with excuses and pass on it. That’s an option for many. If you say no, nothing happens and the idea simply flies away to search for another capable human.
If you said yes – the timer starts ticking. Every idea has a lifespan. Some live longer, some shorter. If you don’t take action, it will get weaker and weaker with time. The idea loses its faith in you and starts looking around for someone more capable. It stops feeding you with its energy so you feel less motivated. You are no longer so excited to continue working on it, so you drop out. The idea waits patiently for its human to manifest it. You need to act fast, while the energies are high.
The idea will not wait forever. If not you, someone else will bring it into the world.
Recognize when the idea chooses you. Cooperate fully, humbly, and joyfully with inspiration. Welcome your ideas with respect and curiosity, not with drama or dread. Remember that it has chosen you, among other people because you are capable. In a way, if you said yes to the idea, you become a slave to it. However, you get the opportunity to live an interesting life making and doing really cool things the entire time. You might become the next billionaire with your pursuits or not, but that’s not the point. If you lived your life passionately, believing in the ideas you were trying to implement, money doesn’t matter. A creative and fulfilled life is much more valuable than money. The excitement and energy are much more pleasurable than a stack of green papers.
If you said yes to the idea – go fully in. Don’t try to get away with minimum work. Don’t cheat. Value your idea as something precious. Hold it gently as a little baby. Protect it from distractions.
Never fight against it and never abandon it
Cooperate with it to the utmost of your ability, until the work is done
Clear the space for it
Commit yourself to several hours of research every morning
Make yourself go to bed early so you could get up at dawn and be ready for work
Say no to alluring distractions and social invitations so you can focus on your job
Order tools, buy books, reach out to experts and study the subject
Visualize the end result. Dream
If you fully commit and take it seriously, the idea will grow and start taking shape. If you are not fully committed. If you don’t buy into it and treat it badly – it leaves. It happened to me a lot and it will happen to you. You will feel empty, disoriented and lost. You will start asking what to do with your life. Keep your ears and eyes open. Listen. Be curious. Ask questions. There are beautiful invisible ideas flying around. They are looking for human collaborators. Ideas of every kind are constantly passing through us, constantly trying to get our attention.
Try not to f*ck it up the next time
Elizabeth Gilbert describes her experience with this strange phenomenon in her book “Big Magic”. She got inspired by an idea for a novel about Brazil in the 1960s. The idea seemed epic and thrilling to her. She said yes to it and began to work on it. She did a lot of research and submitted the book proposal to the publishing company. Later on, she had to relocate overseas to deal with some drama and her work had paused.
Two years later she returned home and decided to resume work on her novel about the Amazon jungle. She could not find the inspiration to continue writing. She had no energy to pursue something that she was so passionate about two years ago. All the feelings were gone. She said that it almost seemed as the novel got stolen. As she put it: “It was like poking a stick at a cast-off snakeskin: The more I messed with it, the faster it fell apart and turned to dust”. The idea was gone.
Around the time when Elizabeth completely gave up on her novel, she made a friend. Another writer, whom she met at the library event. They were living in different parts of the world, but they would keep in touch through writing letters to one another. Her new friend mentioned in a letter that she was working on a new novel and that it was about the Amazon jungle. This caught Elizabeth’s attention. A few months later they met in person.
Elizabeth was eager to hear about the Amazon jungle novel that her friend was writing. She said that she also was trying to write a book about Amazon jungle, however, she never finished. “What is your novel about?”, Elizabeth asked her friend. “No, you go first. You were the first one to write about it.”, her friend replied.
Elizabeth summarized her ex-novel in detail. Her friend stared at her from across the table for a long minute. “You have got to be fucking kidding me.”, the friend exclaimed. She was writing her novel exactly what Elizabeth just told her about. Almost to the finest details, two stories were almost identical. The writers had also determined that it was around the same time when Elizabeth completely gave up on her novel and her friend got inspired by that same idea.
They both were professional writers – perfect tools for implementing that idea into the world. The novel idea had chosen its human, however she got dropped. The idea waited too long and left. It found another person who was capable of such work.
Your ideas are not yours
You are nothing but a receiver, an antenna. Don’t try to create the idea – you can’t, you won’t. Instead, expand your skillset. Improve yourself, so you become attractive to ideas. There is no lack of ideas. They are swirling all over us searching for the right human. Be attentive to the signs. Be curious and never stop asking questions. Your task is to reduce the clutter in your head and become receptive. Don’t try to create, but tune your antennas to receive the signal. Stay sharp, be in shape because once you receive the idea – you will need to act. Fast! The inspiration and energy will not last forever, so you have to get moving.
You need to kill the slave inside of you. The old you have to die, so you can reinvent the new self. Piece by piece you will build the person who is capable of handling the challenges ahead.
You have dreams and goals. There is a destination, far away in the future, where you want to get to. You will not get there on the same horse that brought you here. This is a place where you change horses. That stubborn, hard-working donkey is not going anywhere from here. It’s not the asset anymore, this is the liability. He has to stay. You need another ride.
The new horse will be different. Neither better or worse, but different. What skills and qualities does it have to have? What kind of person do you want to become? In which ways does that future self is different from the present you?
Habits to Develop
Your world has changed and it requires you to adapt. You need to change in order to go with the flow, not against. Previous lifestyle and habits are worse usable for them, however, it’s all-new now, it’s all different. Which habits do not serve you anymore? Which habits do you need to develop that will get you where you want to be? What is it that you’ve been doing before, don’t make sense to be doing under current circumstances?
Let’s dig a little bit deeper. Do you try to hang on on the previous yourself? Realize you have to reinvent yourself the old you have to die. The new version of yourself, with new habits and routines, has to evolve.
Skills to Learn
Digital Marketing
Nowadays, digitalization is a matter of life or death for businesses. If you are an entrepreneur or leader in your organization you absolutely need to have at least some basic understanding of digital marketing. Opportunities arise daily. They are all over us and you gotta keep your ears and eyes opened to spot them. Basic knowledge of digital marketing will help you recognize growth opportunities and infuse fresh energy into the business through promotions and marketing campaigns.
You need to learn at least the basics and familiarize yourself with essential tools, necessary for planning, running and measuring the successes of the digital marketing campaigns. You will use these resources to build your online presence and optimize your company’s or personal website for Search Engines. Also, applicable for personal branding. You got to be able to promote yourself, as a professional – the person who brings value to this world. What’s the point of having read all the books and being so smart and skilled, if people don’t know about you? You are a bright and intelligent person, and I bet you have something to tell, an opinion to share. To do so, you got to know how to get your word out there.
The best way to learn is to teach. I spent two months taking the Digital Marketing Google course and got certified. I also read numerous articles, listened to podcasts and read a few books. I immersed myself in the subject of SEO and digital marketing. Based on my research and the things I learned, I wrote my first book: DIY SEO.Not complicated, this book is the “do it yourself” tutorial for digital marketing. It’s a how-to guide written in understandable language for an everyday man. You can find the paperback copy on Amazon. You can also contact me for a digital copy of the E-book at no cost for you.
Negotiation
You need to develop negotiation skills. It is not what you know, but whom you know. It is impossible to build an empire on your own. You will need to work with different people. No matter what you decide to do in life, your success will highly depend on your level of emotional intelligence and the ability to successfully negotiate with others. You will use negotiation skills when starting new businesses. You will have to negotiate when buying properties. They are essential in the real estate business. Negotiation skills are also the key to strong and healthy interpersonal relationships. You absolutely must develop and master strong negotiation skills. You will use them in all areas of your life: business, training camps, buy/sell the car, literally anywhere…
To improve this skill I read the book called “Getting Past No” by William Ury. I also listened to the audiobook copy of it, which I suggest over the paperback. There are a lot of dialogues, which are nicely curated in the audio version. I took the notes and wrote a little summary, which is easy to access from my phone. Every time, before I approach any sort of negotiations, I open my notes and refresh my memory on the art of effective negotiation.
Also, there is no pass or fail to master this skill. It’s a lifelong process, which never ends, so don’t stop learning and striving to get better at it.
Staying Cool under Stress
It is a skill that can be practiced. I do it almost daily in my training. Swimming 2,3,4 km is not easy. Neither running a half or a full marathon does feel like a breeze. When things get tough and I want to quit – this is when my mental training begins. Staying cool under stress can be trained by practicing sports and getting uncomfortable physically. When you think you can’t go any further and your body seems to give up on you – this is when the mental training begins. Staying cool under stress means keeping focused on the end goal regardless of the environment, circumstances or any kind of external factors. “Keep your eyes on a prize”, as they say. It doesn’t mean that you are not allowed to express emotions and bitch, and cry. You don’t have to keep the poker face when things spin up and shit hits the fan. No need to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger in the movie Terminator. It’s ok to cry, as long as you stay focused and continue making steps toward the end goal.
Also, sports is not the only way to practise this skill. Life brings you the opportunities daily. Recognize them and each time master broadcasting different reactions. Life kicks you in the balls – stay cool.
Project Management
In life or in business – project management skill is critical to have. Everything can be seen as a project. Some small, some big – all require planning, preparation, execution and reflection. Grocery shopping is a small project: What to buy? Where? How much to pay? A family road trip is a project: What to pack? Where to stay? What to do? How much to spend? How to get back? Buying a real-estate or car. Even marrying is a project. All require a great deal of planning and if you want to succeed, you have to be good at it.
Ты когда-нибудь влюблялся? Конечно, да! Помнишь ту симпатичную девушку в старшей школе?
Была танцевальная ночь, и все твои друзья приходили со своими подругами. Все кроме тебя. Так почему бы тебе не пригласить ее на свидание? Нет. Пройдут дни, недели и месяцы, но ты никогда не спросишь ее. Ты боишься!!! Ты куриное дерьмо (пардон за мой французский). Но чего именно ты боишься? Она собирается тебя укусить? Она такая устрашающая? Может быть, ты боишься, что она ударит тебя по лицу? Нет… ничего из этого. Пойми что тут мало чего общего с ней. Проблемма в тебе.
Ты боишься отказа. Ты боишься неудачи. Каждая неудача тесно связана с твоей самооценкой. Если она скажет «нет» – это провал. Ты – неудачник. Ты сломлен. Ты не достаточно хорош. Ты сожалеешь что ты не лучше, сильнее, красивее, из богатой семьи и т. д. Забавный “манчкин”. Ты кормишь себя этими оправданиями, чтобы сгладить свою эмоциональную боль. Ты сделаешь все, чтобы избежать эмоционального дискомфорта. Ты не можешь выдержать ни малейшего эмоционального давления и все те отговорки, которые ты говоришь себе и другим, подобны тайленолу (популярное обезбаливабщее в США) для облегчения боли. Итак, все, на что ты способен, это смотреть на эту красивую девушку и продолжать мечтать об интимном моменте с ней. В твоем сне она сказала «да», вы поцеловались и вместе вышли на закат, держась крепко за руки.
То же и с твоими идеями. Тебе нравится иметь идеи. Они обещают светлоее будущее и греют надеждой. Ты мечтаешь об “успехе”. Ты представляешь себя успешным бизнесменом, миллионером, заработавшим свои деньги непосильным трудом. Это возможно действительно хорошая идея, она красивая, как и та девушка, которая тебе понравилась. И так же, как ты никогда не пригласил ту цыпочку, ты никогда не предпримишь никаких действий в отношении своей идеи. Ты будешь ходить и мечтать. Возможно ты даже напишешь бизнес-план. Ты расскажешь всем своим друзьям и семье о своей блестящей проницательности. Вот и все. Ты никогда не предпримишь конкретных действий.
Ты боишься потерпеть неудачу. В твоей голове неудача будет означать, что ты недостаточно хорош. Неудача поставит под сомнение твою самооценку как человека. Так почему бы тебе не сделать то же самое, что ты сделал с той девушкой? Просто придумайте оправдание. Оно должено быть достаточно хорошим, чтобы ты в него поверил. ТЫ никогда не действуешь в соответствии со своими идеями, потому что боиштся потерпеть неудачу – боишься емоциональную боль. Ты боишься неприятного негативного разговора с самим собой. Ты не готов испытать эмоциональный дискомфорт. Ты веришь, что ты уникален, умён, особенный. Если ты потерпишь неудачу, все эти качества станут под вопросом. Может ты не такой умный? Что, если ты не такой уж особенный? Тебя это не огорчает? Ты хрупкий и ранителен.
Ты не пытаешься реализовать свои бизнес-идеи, потому что тебе комфортно думать, что ты особенный. Впереди еще много дел, это лишь вопрос времени. Ты получишт все, что захочешь, просто наберись терпения. ХА-ХА! Ты забавный.
Отдели неудачу от своей самооценки. Спустись на уровень ниже и поправь корону на голове. ТЫ не особенный. Если ты не начнешь действовать прямо сейчас, впереди ничего тебя не ждет. Если ты хочешь изменить свою жизнь, ты должен научиться переносить боль. Если ты действительно хочешь преуспеть в бизнесе, ты должен быть готов к эмоциональному дискомфорту. Чтобы перейти от «Ступора» к «Действиям», ты должен научиться и быть готовым к удару по самому дорогому – самолюбию. Будет больно. Люди будут поливать тебе дерьмом. Ты будешь чувствовать себя глупо. Ты потеряешь деньги и время. Ты будешь сомневаться в своих способностях и интеллекте.
То же и с отношениями. Если ты не готов страдать, не начинай отношения. Любовь причиняет боль. Отношения очень сложные. Вы будете ругаться, бить посуду. Тебя будут называть разными способами. Тебя обманут. Список бесконечен. Это как 50 оттенков боли, когда ты влюбляешься в кого-то.
А теперь честно ответь себе: почему ты откладываешь выполнение того, что ты должен сделать? Насколько ты боигтся неудачи? Насколько ты боишься отказа? Ты либо начнешь действовать в соответствии со своими идеями и обещаниями, либо забудь о них. Все твои мысли и заметки – не что иное, как мысленная мастурбация. Они помогают тебе чувствовать себя хорошо, но ничего более.
Помнишь, что случилось с той девушкой? Ты мечтал о ней несколько месяцев, а может, и лет. Ты ходил, воображал, что вы будете вместе. Пока … она не начала встречаться с твоим другом. Парень, ненамного умнее и красивее тебя. Точно так же произойдет и с твоей блестящей бизнес-идеей. Простой парень, всего лишь с аттестатом средней школы, без связей и опыта – увлечет твою девушку. Он достаточно смел, чтобы действовать. Он не боиться проиграть, и терять ему нечего… В отличие от тебя, у него не было такого раздутого Эго. Его не волновало, назовут ли его идиотом. Он это уже слышал много раз. Он просто начал делать шаги вперед и учиться на своих ошибках. Он знал, что скорее всего облажается. Ну и что?
Пойми – всем плевать на твои неудачи. Более того, никого не волнуют твои успехи, если конечно они не извлекают из этого выгоду.
Have you fell in love? Of course, you did! Remember that pretty girl in the high school?
There was dance night, and all your friends would come with their girlfriends. Not you. So why won’t you ask her out? Nope. Days, weeks and months will go by, but you will never ask her. You’re afraid!!! You are chicken shit. But what exactly are you afraid of? Is she going to bite you? Is she so scary looking? Maybe you are afraid that she will punch you in the face? No… none of that. Realize that there is little to do with her. It’s all you.
You are afraid of rejection. You are afraid of failure. Every failure is closely tied to your self-worth. If she says no – that’s a failure. You are a failure. You are broken. You are not enough. You wish you were better: stronger, handsome, from a wealthy family etc. You are a funny little munchkin. You feed yourself with those excuses just to smooth your emotional pain. You will do anything to escape emotional discomfort. You cannot endure the slightest emotional pressure. those excuses that you tell yourself and others are like a Tylenol, to relieve the pain. So all you do is look at this pretty girl and dream about an intimate moment with her. in your dream she said yes, you kissed and walked together into the sunset while holding hands.
Same with your ideas. You like to have an idea. You dream about success. You envision yourself as a successful businessman, a self-made millionaire. this is a really good idea, it’s pretty, just as that girl you liked. And just as you never asked that chick out, you will never take an action step on your idea. You will walk around and dream. You may even write a business plan. You will tell all your friends and family about your brilliant insight. That’s about it. You will never act upon it.
You are afraid to fail. In your head, Failure will mean that you’re not good enough. Failure will question your self worth as a human being. So why won’t you do the same what you did with that girl? come up with a good excuse. Just create an excuse. It must be good enough so you buy into it. you never act on your ideas, because you are afraid to fail. You are afraid of the negative shit talk that you will have with yourself if your idea does not fly. you don’t want to feel emotional discomfort. You believe you are unique, intelligent, special. If you fail, all those qualities will become questionable. Maybe you’re not that intelligent? What if you are not that special? Doesn’t it sound distressing to you? You are fragile.
You don’t attempt to act on your business ideas because you are comfortable thinking that you are special. There are more things to come, it’s just a matter of time. You will get all you want, just be patient. HA-HA! You are a funny one.
You got to be comfortable with favour. You need to disassociate failure with your self-worth. Come down a level and fix that crown on your head. You are not special. There is nothing ahead of you unless you act. if you want to change your life, you got to be OK with pain. If you want, truly want to succeed in business, you have to be prepared for emotional discomfort. To move from “P” to “D”, you need to be totally fine with getting kicked in balls. It will hurt. People will give you shit. You will feel stupid. You will feel immediate. You will lose money and time. You will question your abilities and intelligence.
The same with relationships. If you are not ready to suffer, don’t start a relationship. Love hurts. Relationships are very difficult. You will fight. You will be called all bunch of names. You will get cheated on. The list is endless. It’s like 50 shades of pain when falling in love with someone.
Now answer to yourself honestly: why are you procrastinating on doing the things you know you have to be doing? How much are you afraid of failure? How much are you afraid of rejection? you either do or Don. You’ll either act on your ideas and promises, or you forget about those. All your thoughts and notes are nothing more than mental masturbation. They make you feel good, but nothing gets done.
Remember what happened with that girl? You’ve been dreaming about her for several months or maybe years. You’ll be walking around visualizing you were together. Until… she started dating your friend. A guy, not much smarter or prettier than you. exactly the same will happen with your brilliant business idea. A simple guy, with only a high school diploma, no connections and experience – will take your girl out. He had balls to act. He was not afraid to lose, there was nothing to lose. Unlike you, he didn’t have such an inflated Ego. He didn’t care if people called him an idiot. He already heard it. He took your idea and started making steps forward. He knows that he will most likely fuck up. So what?
Realize that nobody gives a fuck about your failures. Moreover, no one cares about your successes, unless they benefit from it.
Я хотел машину. Исходя из нищеты, было неважно, какую именно – с четырьмя колесами и крышей. В 2014 году в возрасте 22 лет я купил свою первую машину – Mercedes CLK 500. Это была красота! Я и представить себе не мог, что такой парень, как я, когда-либо получит что-то подобное. Я был очень счастлив … целую неделю. Спустя неделю: Сколько стоит замена масла? Что-то постукивает в двигателе? Что-то внутри гремит, надо это проверить. Кто-то на парковке ударил вас дверью – Черт! Счастье сменилось беспокойством. Не поймите меня неправильно, я любил эту машину, и у меня осталось много хороших воспоминаний о ней. Дело в том, что меня это не радовало. Это не внесло никаких изменений в мою жизнь. В фильмах рисовали другую картину.
Одно время я жил в Остине, штат Техас. Я хотел переехать в Феникс, штат Аризона, чтобы стать ближе к любви всей моей жизни – Алисе. Отдаленные отношения были тяжелыми для нас обоих, поэтому я подумал, что как только у меня появится возможность видеть ее каждый день – все изменится. Я буду намного счастливее. Наши отношения резко улучшатся. Жизнь будет легкой и наполненной любовью. Неправильно! Я переехал, но ничего не изменилось. Мы продолжали ругаться по мелочам…
Я хотел денег, много денег. Это поможет … Я получил работу. В одной из лучших технологических компаний мира на уровне с Google и Microsoft. Шестизначная зарплата, бонусы и премии. Денег у меня было более чем достаточно. Я делал очень сложную и интересную работу. Я работал инженером по беспилотным автомобилям. Невероятно!
Все еще нет. Все еще ищу … Я начал разочаровываться в себе. Что со мной не так?! Люди всю жизнь к такому идут и не всегда достигают.
Я хочу совместной жизни со своей девушкой, под одной крышей. В то время мы встречались около 5 лет, так что это звучало как логический шаг вперед. Это выведет наши отношения на новый уровень. Мы не будем так много ссориться и будем жить в любви, пока не умрем, ха-ха! Чертовски неправильно! Ничего не изменилось. Мы сняли квартиру – просто великолепное место в Фениксе, штат Аризона. Бассейн с подогревом, джакузи, новенький тренажерный зал, закрытый комплекс, кинотеатры, продуктовые магазины … все под рукой. Если интересно, поищите: Сан-Мелиа, Феникс, Аризона. Опять не то, опять дерьмо…
Что дальше?
Мы разорвали отношения, и я переехал в Канаду. Ненавидел Торонто. Искал жилье. Мне нужен дом для жизни, большой дом с гаражом и задним двором. Большой гараж для моего негабаритного грузовика Toyota 4×4 и большой задний двор для моей маленькой собачки.Так же мне нужно много места для себя любимого, мне нужно пространство чтобы «дышать». Как оказалось, моей собаке на задний двор наплевать. Я выпускаю его, и через 10 секунд он возвращается, садится рядом с дверью: Впусти меня! Двухэтажный дом с готовым подвалом – уйма места! Дыши! Нет? В чем дело? Не тот воздух? Магнитное поле? Что не так с тобой? Почему это не делает тебя счастливее?
Путешествие. Путешествие делает людей счастливыми, так что мне это может сработать. Все западное побережье США: Сан-Диего, Лос-Анджелес, Малибу, Сан-Франциско … Лас-Вегас, Техас, Нью-Йорк, Франция, Германия, Испания, Гавайи … О, Гавайи! Итак, я стою на белом песке Гавайев и понимаю, что ничего не изменилось в том, как я себя чувствовал до прилета. Абсолютно шикарное место, но я не намного счастливее. Блядь! Я также финишировал в одной из самых сложных гонок Ironman на острове. Нет чувства достижения чего-то значащего. Да что с тобой не так?
“Ты никогда не сможешь быть счастливым!” моя бывшая девушка прокричала сквозь слезы. Я знаю … ты права … Я чувствовал себя виноватым. Ее слова останутся в моей памяти на долгое время. …я никогда не смогу быть счастливым…
Сейчас я живу в современном передвижном доме. У меня есть деньги; у меня есть все время на свете; я силен и здоров. Уровень моего счастья такой же, как и 2,3,5 года назад. Я испытал так много всего. Для парня моего возраста я многого добился. Да только факт того что я вырвался из полной жопы достоен внимания. До сих пор в погоне за искусственными целями. Как наркоман, я ищу новую дозу счастья. Мне нужно больше переживаний, больше эмоций …
Я пришел к выводу, что счастья нет. Что бы вы ни делали – ничего не сделает вас счастливым. Я серьезно.
НИЧТО ТЕБЯ НЕ ИЗБАВИТ ОТ БОЛИ И СДЕЛАЕТ ТЕБЯ СЧАСТЛИВЫМ
Возможно, временно, на неделю или две. Затем ты вернешься к той же «погоне за счастьем».
Я стал намного лучше осознавать свои мысли, чувства и эмоции. Я научился называть вещи такими, какие они есть. Я понял, каковы были мои истинные мотивы делать определенные вещи. Сознание все растопило. Я осознал что врал в то время когда думал что говорю правду. Похер на окружающих, я врал себе. Я думал я особенный, а как оказалось – самый обычный парень, не лучше и не хуже чем миллионы таких же.
Теперь я понял. Я действительно понимаю, что всем на тебя наплевать. Никого не волнуют твои успехи или неудачи. На самом деле, твой успех часто заставляет других людей плохо себя чувствовать, поэтому молчи пока не спросят. Не спросят. Чувак, у тебя могут быть самые крутые фото в Инстаграм – насрать. Ты можешь иметь самый большой бицепс или даже выиграть местные соревнования по фитнесу – никого это не волнует! Ты слушаешь, но не слышь. Ты не понимаешь. Это очень больно осознавать, я знаю…
Мы все такие чертовски эгоистичные. Все, что мы делаем, мы делаем для себя. Это человеческая природа – это нормально. Я, ты и тот парень – мы проводим каждый час бодрствования, думая только о себе. Как насчет твоих родителей? Они действительно заботятся … немного. У них есть свое собственное дерьмо разгребать. Они родили тебя, теперь ты сам по себе. Как насчет твоей жены? Она любит тебя, правда? Ха-ха! Да, ей нравится … то, как ты заставляешь ее чувствовать. Я не буду углубляться в это и объяснять. Я очень надеюсь что ты самостоятельно все осознаешь. Сегодня она любит тебя, завтра ты договариваешься с ее адвокатом о деньгах. Кому достанется автомобиль?
Ни алкоголь, ни наркотики больше не работают. Спорт, физические нагрузки, бег или езда на велосипеде тоже не поможет. Возможно временно, пока ты не проснешься на следующее утро. Секс? Порно? Азартные игры? Переедание? Нет-нет, я знаю !! Письмо … Да, запиши свои мысли на бумаге. Психологи предлагают это своим пациентам. Помогает? Помогает, разве не видишь?
Тем не менее, ты до сих пор пытаешься кого-то впечатлить. Фотки, видео… Ты смешной. Твои фотографии кричат: «Любите меня! Обратите на меня внимание! Я важен! Я уникален! Я заслуживаю того, чтобы меня любили и ценили!» Ха-ха! Да, да – ты важен. Самый важный бабуин на ветке! … только не кричи так громко и успокойся.
В чем смысл? Зачем? Почему? … Я задаю этот вопрос столько, сколько себя помню. Большинство вещей, которые имели для меня значение, растворились в свете сознания. Я как машина – выполняю повседневные задачи на автопилоте. Мои желания и мечты – не мои. Я увидел в социальных сетях, что это круто, поэтому я хочу этого и мечтаю об этом. Кто-то однажды сказал мне, что пресс с шестью кубиками поможет добиться внимания у девчонок. Поэтому ты убиваешь себя в спортзале. Тебе нужно внимание. Это нормально, потому что это занимает тебя. Это вселяет надежду, что как только ты избавишься от этого жира со своей задницы – жизнь изменится. Приятно думать, что есть к чему стремиться. Ты можешь сбросить несколько фунтов, ты получишь эти шесть кубиков. Да, ты выглядишь иначе. Это доставит тебе радость, и ты почувствуешь себя на подъеме. Впервые в жизни ты достиг чего-то более-менее значимого … Пройдет несколько месяцев, и ты спросишь: На этом все? Что дальше? Ты потратил столько времени, пота и слез … Думаешь это честный обмен? Твои фото больше никого не впечатляют. На самом деле, есть много людей красивее, чем вы.
Ты думаешь, что следующая должность в престижной компании принесет тебе признание и внимание, которых ты заслуживаешь? Может быть, работа в Google? Tesla? Amazon? ХА-ХА! Дурачок.
Кого ты пытаешься обмануть? Кому ты врешь, глупая панда? Становится смешно. Мне нравится видеть, как ты подпрыгиваешь, как хомяк в колесе. Вот изображение:
Представьте себе толстого хомяка с крошечным розовым рюкзаком. Этот рюкзак полон динамита. Теперь представьте себе белую квадратную комнату без дверей и окон. На рюкзаке есть таймер, и он щелкает. Никто не знает, сколько осталось, но никто никогда не видел, чтобы он длился дольше 100 лет. Обычно срабатывает около 70-80. Хомяк в панике бегает из угла в угол, пытаясь найти выход. В середине колесо для хомяка – беговая дорожка карьеры. Время от времени хомяк прыгает в него и бежит со всей мочи. Проблема в том, что он не может контролировать скорость беговой дорожки. Это контролируется кем-то другим, и зачастую очень сложно поддерживать такую скорость. Бедный хомяк делает ошибку, оступается и падает лицом вниз. Его выкидывают из колеса.
Я не хочу тебя обидеть, поэтому скажу, что Я тот хомяк. Я не знаю, сколько времени осталось на таймере, но слышу, как он тикает у меня за спиной. В тревоге я ищу дверь, окно, щель, что-нибудь чтобы сбежать. А может нужно крутить колесо как можно быстрее? Я слышал, у кого-то это сработало. Я также слышал, что некоторые просто приняли тот факт, что смертельный рюкзачок разнесет им мозги по всей комнате. Они не бегают, а сидят в углу – ждут, когда придет время. Они умрут, так в чем смысл? Им плевать … ни на что. Они сидят неподвижно и пялятся в одну точку. Они уже трупы.
Я тот, кто бежит. Я прыгаю из стороны в сторону в поисках смысла. Должен быть выход!Это должно быть какое-то испытание или игра. Должен быть смысл в том, почему я здесь! Чем больше эмоций я переживаю в жизни – тем труднее меня впечатлить. Я становлюсь безразличным ко всему. Я понимаю, что я не такой уж и особенный, и на самом деле просто обычный хомячок. Тик-тик – таймер продолжает щелкать … жизнь идет. В чем смысл? Продолжить бежать? Продолжать спрашивать? Продолжать беспокоиться и париться по мелочам? А что мелочь, а что нет? Ничего больше не важно…
Я устал так много переживать. Я устал планировать. Что, если это произойдет? А если нет? Какой же ты озабоченный хомячок! Всегда мало. Всегда чего-то не хватает. Детонатор говорит тик-тик…