Book Summary: HOW TO WIN FRIENDS & INFLUENCE PEOPLE. Fundamentals
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“Your popularity, happiness and sense of worth depend on your skills of dealing with people”, Dale Carnegie
DON’T CRITICIZE OR COMPLAIN
They are just as human as you and I. They try to explain their own behaviours, no matter how right or wrong their decisions are. Do not, I repeat, do not blame people for anything.
When you criticize people, it puts them on a defense. They begin to justify themselves. Criticism is dangerous, because it can wound a person’s sense of worthiness. The studies show over and over again that animals rewarded for good behaviour will learn much more rapidly and retain what is Lauren’s far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior. The same applies to human beings. It is a default state of a human being to blame everybody but themselves. All the people are just like that. Are you any different?
If you cannot help, but express your disagreement, do it in a smart way. Take out a sheet of paper and write down everything you want to tell the other person. Lay out all the insults you have. Once done, put it to the side. You will never send this letter. This practice will allow you to blow off your steam without doing any damage to both yourself and the other person.
“Don’t criticize them. They are just what we would be under similar circumstances”, Lincoln.
It takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
“A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men”, Carlyle.
Don’t measure other people by the yardstick of your own. Do not expect too much from others.
GIVE HONEST AND SINCERE APPRECIATION
The deepest urge in human nature is the desire to be important. People crave for compliments. People want to be appreciated. One of the main differences between humans and animals is a desire to feel important. If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I will tell you what you are. That determines your character. That is the most significant thing about you.
People oftentimes become invalids in order to win sympathy and attention. Being disabled in some way is the only way they know how to get attention. A lot of people go insane because they find that feeling in insanity. How? They feel important and special in insanity – in a way that they are unable to achieve in the world of reality.
One of the major causes of divorce is a lack of appreciation. Wife’s run away because their husbands take them for granted. They complain that they don’t feel appreciated by their partners, so they go elsewhere in search of this feeling. Appreciation is one of the basic human needs, alongside food, water and air. Some people are so hungry for appreciation that they would swallow even the cheapest kind of it. Flattery will do you more harm than good.
Every day leave a trail of gratitude behind yourself. Shows sincere appreciation of others. For a little and big things. Let your appreciation be honest and sincere.
AROUSE IN THE OTHER PERSON AN EAGER WANT
The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. Arouse in the other person an eager want. The only way to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person wants. Before you talk, ask yourself: “How can I make this person want to do it?”.
“If there is a secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from yours”, H. Ford
People are worried about their own problems. They are not interested in how big and great you are. They are only interested in how big they are, not you. All this talk about your enormous success makes them feel small and unimportant. When you have a brilliant idea, instead of making others think it’s yours, let them cook and stir the idea of themselves. The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. It is very rare to find an individual who unselfishly tries to serve others. That person has little to no competition.
“People who can put themselves in the place of other people, who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them”, Owen Young