So you want to be an entrepreneur…

So you want to be an entrepreneur…

Ever since I left my corporate job at UBER, I’ve been navigating the entrepreneurial life on my own. It will be a year in three weeks.

What is it like in one word? Exhausting.

Everyone’s journey is different. Below is what my entrepreneurial journey was like.

Most of the waking life I spend thinking and planning what’s next. Every day I wake up and spend time figuring out what to do next. It makes the life so much easier, when you wake up in the morning and know exactly what to do and what is expected from you. Having a boss makes the life easier. You just ask your manager what to do → put the head down, plug your headphones in and execute.

Not having someone telling you what to do is hard. You become your own boss. Sounds sweet to most, isn’t it? Not to me. I am very critical of myself. I am my worst boss.

The boss in my head never takes a break. I work with him, I sleep with him. He is always in my head, no matter where I go or what I do. At the party, in my bed, on a run… My boss never sleep and the second I open my eyes in the morning – he’s telling me what to do. I can’t ignore. I can’t quiet him down.

If I were to visualize my day in the pie chart, it will split as this: 50% planning, thinking what to do; 20% researching, convincing yourself that this is the right way to go; 30% actually doing it. I don’t like such spread. I don’t feel productive. It seems as all I do is daydream. If only I can figure out what makes me feel this way. If only I can put the handle on it…

Feeling ineffective. It burns me on the inside. I am just wasting my time and money… WTF are you doing man? Then you look at others: this business accelerates; that entrepreneur gets the government grant; everyone is doing something while you sit with your idea. Discouraging. We are moving so slow – is always on a back on my mind. They you find our the your competitor already raised $1.6M in pre-seed money. Then you learn that your competitor has the team of eleven… This kills any motivation to continue.

So you want to be an entrepreneur… This is a lonely journey. Unless you get blessed with a cofounder or a few, who are as passionate about your venture as you, prepare to push this hippo on your own. When things go well – you are in the middle of attention. However, the hipe winds down and you are on your own… again.

So you want to be an entrepreneur… You envision bright orange Lamborghini, a big house on a lake and careless job. Maybe, but not in my case. I am considered as unemployed and I have been for the entire year. I haven’t made a single bucks. I am dead broke, living on the edge of poverty. You might become millionaire overnight. I didn’t. Having no income creates stress. Aside of my venture, I need to figure out how to keep myself afloat. Not only to keep myself afloat, but also in a way that allows me to have time for my business.

How many times I dropped everything and did not want to continue anything… How many times I hated myself for moving so slow and not seeing any results… How many tough conversations have I had with myself, doubting and blaming myself… How many times I did not want to wake up the next morning, feeling absolutely exhausted… How many times I thought of dropping everything and begin looking for a job… How many times I burned down…

I am worried about myself. I know for a fact, that if I give up and find a job… I will hate myself. I will absolutely hate myself for not being able to figure it out. I will be eating myself on the inside every single day at that job, no matter how awesome it is. I can already feel what it will be like – to give up. I don’t see another way out of this venture, but success. What is success to me? A profitable business that I CAN BE PROUD OF. God help me.