This essay was born on an evening hike with Blake.

Wasn’t planning to go. Felt down. Blake found his leash and brought it to me in his mouth. It was so cute, that I could not refuse. I dictated my thoughts to Siri, as I walked through the forest.

I stopped watching movies. Instead, I watch the movie of my mind. It’s free. All I need is to close my eyes. And watch what it does. Backflips, carrots, Saltos. We fly back into the past, and project into the future. Sometimes I see myself from the above. Sometimes I find a hidden treasure – something that was always there but I never noticed before. Sometimes it repeats itself, but other times it impresses me with its creativity. No movie can compete with my own mind. Perhaps in future, we would have the capability to project on the outside, what happens inside our minds in real-time. That would be a hell of a movie. Only a few, mature individuals would agree to hit the share button. It takes courage to reveal what’s inside.  Perhaps a meta-verse is in our heads. Our imagination. The World we create in our head IS the parallel reality. In it, we can be anyone and do anything, but more often than not we choose to be miserable. Not by choice, perhaps our story determines what kind of world we create. You cannot create something beautiful out of something ugly. Once you become self-aware and conscious, you take the front seat in your life’s movie. Not only visual and audio but all sensory capabilities of your body are up to your disposal. Your consciousness is being fed all the sensory data in real-time, with zero latency or delay. Just hold on to your seat and try not to sh*t yourself when an action scene comes on the screen. Also, not to mention, you can not leave the auditorium. Correction. Eventually, you will, but that’s not fun either. You won’t go home. You’re going to be 5 feet below the ground when the movie ends. How is that for an attraction? The ultimate experience. 

I wish I never lose this prism. I wish I never fall asleep and go back to associating myself with my thoughts, reactions and feelings. I wish to maintain this frame of mind until the end of the show. 

Spirituality is a lifestyle. It enhances and expands life. Once you saw, you cannot unseen. At best, you could pretend to play the game that everybody plays. In fact, that’s a very wise choice, I think. You don’t even need a spiritual partner. Someone cute, who triggers and challenges you will work just fine. He or she will add to your experience. It is foolish to engage in abusive and non-living a relationship. Of course, you should not choose suffering, when it can be avoided. What I’m saying is that when you are conscious and aware – even suffering can provide you with a sensory experience worth living. We could participate in choosing a storyline of our lives, however, to a minimum degree. Expanding our influence requires taking a director’s seat. That means responsibility. The responsibility of God is incompatible with inner criticism and shame. Such responsibility can become an impossible burden for an unprepared and polluted person. Once responsibility is reassigned, magic things start happening. At first, if you notice, it could blow your mind. It scares and many people choose to retract back into their known way of living. No judgment. Responsibility is a heavy burden for an unprepared person. Once you are up to speed and learned some basics of movie-making, you can enhance the experience by increasing your sensitivity. To live is to feel. The wider your sensory range, the greater the experience. The more you feel – the richer your life is. You stop numbing yourself with food, drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, and obsessions. You commit that no matter what comes next, you will handle it on your own, without running away, distracting, or numbing yourself. Things will start coming up and you will get triggered. Do you have the courage to stay with the feeling and get to know it? Where does it come from? Look within, look outside. Very soon it becomes a hell of a movie. No day is like another. Every minute, every moment things come up and you register them in your consciousness. It becomes a 24-hour reality show. Even in your sleep. 

There is no end to mastering sensitivity and awareness. As long as you live, you get better and better at feeling and sensing. One life is not enough. Every age brings a new sensory experience and a new perspective. There is no bad age as each one provides you with a different lens to see old things.  

Death is peaceful death is loving. There are no reasons to be afraid of death. It’s like a COVID shot. Hurts for a second, and then it’s over. Don’t be afraid to die, but be afraid to miss on experiences that life holds. Be afraid to leave your life like a rock, feeling barely anything.

Any movie suggestions?