A man works on an important project or simply has lots of things to do.
His madam wants to go out, she wants to go on “an adventure”.
People in your life come without any guarantees. Your women do not belong to you, as well as your man. People change their minds. People leave. People are unreliable. Considering all the variables in dealing with other people, you’ve got to choose what is always constant – YOURSELF. Choosing yourself means choosing to work on yourself, your resourcefulness, skills and expertise. If in this example you are choosing simple pleasures with “your” women instead of working on what is important to you is self-sabotage.
Important: By choosing yourself at the moment, you make it possible to come back to what you put on pause (your women) at the higher level of resources.
Now, let’s imagine the opposite scenario: you put your commitments aside and chose to go out with a woman, a source of primitive pleasure. I guarantee that with time, you will have no women and no resources. In defence, you will blame your (ex) women and brag about the cruelty of this world.
Everybody heard this epic excuse: “I do it for my kids!”. What is hidden behind this phrase is the unwillingness to change your comfortable circumstances and kids are just a useful tool of your Ego. Sitting your ass off in a hated office box for 20 years, while saying that you do it for your kids is a level of a selfish liar. This is a very comfortable position, where you don’t have to do ANYTHING to change the job you hate. Just say that you do it for your kids.
People don’t belong to us.
Our kiddos also don’t belong to us. They have their lives, and we have our lives.
First of all, you’ve got to invest in YOURSELF and your resourcefulness. Not in your child. By increasing your capacity to produce and provide, you create new opportunities for your kids and loved ones. You always put the mask onto yourself FIRST. Only then, you help your child. Through yourself, you are able to increase the living standard for the people who depend on you.
If you chose a partner, entered a relationship, went all in a lovey-dovey mode – that’s YOUR CHOICE! Later in time at the smallest opportunity of unpunished sex with somebody else, you choose to satisfy your own desire. You are NOT choosing your partner. Hence you don’t respect your choice. You don’t respect yourself. You are not choosing yourself. That’s how this formula works. This is the formula of self-respect, self-worthiness and self-love.
To love yourself and to choose yourself – is to draw pleasure from life through sophisticated mechanisms and methods, but not the primitive ones.
Go out, get drunk, get laid – also those are pleasures, however so primitive. Working on a hated job – is also a primitive method. Changing sex partners every year is not about love or choice, but only about getting primitive pleasures.
A pleasure from a simple, clean meal. A pleasure from keeping yourself in shape all year round. A pleasure from feeling fit and strong. Emotional connection, trust, common interests and passionate sex with one person… Producing more than you consume. Creating something that simply did not exist before. Working until the RESULT, and not from 9 to 5. Those are the complex methods – building blocks of self-love and self-respect.
In simple words: I will not respect a slug (myself), who always chooses an easy way. Simple pleasures lead to oblivion. It is very difficult to love yourself and choose yourself, however only through this path you can gain real happiness in life and determine your true purpose. A path of simple pleasures will get you fleeting joys with a truckload of pain.
Your fear of commitment and desire to “play safe” is understandable. Somebody, at some point, caused you a serious emotional trauma, broke your expectations and changed your understanding of how things work in life. Now, trying to prevent the same scenario from reoccurring, you project your past experiences into the future. You build walls and cover your heart into a bulletproof metal jacket. That is also a CHOICE.