Had a meeting with my “business mentor” today. It’s been awhile since we met last time – about a month ago. I’ve done a lot of work since then and I wanted to show him my accomplishments. Mainly I was looking for a feedback on the website and VR model of my product.

First thirty minutes of continuous stream of critique were tolerable. I took a lot of notes and I agreed with most of his suggestions. At some point it started getting under my skin. Now he wasn’t only criticizing my website, but the entire business in general. I spent about two months developing this freaking website and I was sick of it… He totally crashed everything – the formatting, layout… Yes, his comments made sense, but it didn’t feel right. He was hitting on the whole idea.

I was speechless. At first, I tried to explain the concept but I stopped. It felt as I messed up as a kid and was trying to explain my actions. Therefore I shut my mouth and kept listening. I was crushed… I thought of myself as someone who is good at accepting criticism, but maybe I am not? Maybe my business is really a shitty idea? What if he is right and no one needs it?

And the he said: “You must have a lot of cash left, so you continue working on this idea?”. That comment really got me. I started laughing. The criticism was so strong and even personal, so I started laughing in response. This was the self-defence response of my physic…

I thanked him for his time and feedback and left the meeting. I felt crushed. I could not do anything… “All I do is burn my savings”, “all I am doing is just f*cking around… playing the entrepreneur”. It’s been eight months since I got laid off. I’ve been trying lots of ways to make money. I was working hard. I promise I did… I did not party. I slept six hours a night. I could not allow myself to sit down and watch a freaking movie. Hustle, hustle, hustle… Yes, I traveled for a bit, but guess what – I always was working on something! I guess I was working on wrong things. I applied to hundreds of jobs. I had job interviews. It did not lead me anywhere. I guess didn’t try hard enough…

I don’t ask it to be easy. It never was.
I am tired. I don’t want to do anything. Maybe he is right – I’ll just continue playing around while I have the money. Once I drained my bank account I’ll do what everyone does – find a job and settle in. Stupid idea. A lot of wasted time…