Needy people stand out from the crowd. The bigger the void, the harder they search for someone to fulfill it.
Needy of love.
Needy of affection.
They are looking for someone who would relieve their anxieties and comfort them. Someone who would put all ducks in order and make them feel in control. Someone who would understand them better than they themselves do and make sense of their own feelings.
Many grown-ups are kids who want to be parented. Girls are looking for fathers. Boys for mamas.
There are many upset kids playing the role of an adult. They were hurt by mama or papa, a long time ago. Time has passed and even after they moved out of their parents’ nests, they have never left their parents.
I will generalize.
If you had, or at least you think you had, a good childhood and enjoyed a good relationship with your parents, then you will seek someone who would match your parents’ profile. It makes sense. We were nicely treated, so we would find the same, familiar relationship model. A woman would search for a father substitute and a man would search for someone who reminds him of his mother.
Scenario number two also involves seeking a parent figure, however for a different reason. The reason is to take revenge. Those boys who were raised by less than affectionate mothers grow up needy off love. As children, they were deprived of physical touch and mothers’ affection. They learned to work for love. Love for them is something to “deserve”. They believe that they cannot be loved just as they are. They have never felt unconditional love. There is this army of little boys in adult meat suits. They achieve, accomplish, and impress. They all have a six-pack, a sleeve tattoo and perhaps a beard. They spend incredible amounts of money on cars, trucks, boats and all kinds of status-accesorries. “Look at me! I deserve to be loved!”. They haven’t gotten to the root cause of their need to be seen and loved. These are boys, who haven’t grown up to be men, and still, strive to deserve their mother’s love and approval. You are seeking in the wrong place, Amigo.
If a person tries very hard to make an impression – that’s a sign of unresolved issues.
If he is looking for love so hard, then he has very little of his own.
As humans, our purpose in life to learn and evolve. No matter what plans for life you have, life will teach you a few lessons. Life will push you to grow, and you will misinterpret liberation opportunities for “problems”. That’s classic. So, these boys are crowding bars and nightclubs in search of women who would help them resolve their boy-issues and grow to be a man. This woman will most likely match the profile of the one who hurt him the most and toward whom he holds a grudge. He will keep finding the same woman with different faces until he manages to resolve and heal.
He finds “the one”.
He demands her affection and love, however, he can never accept it. He is needy.
No matter how much she gives him, it would never be enough.
He would punish her for not loving him enough.
He must forgive.
He will open the wound.
He will grieve. Big time…
He will heal.
He will know that he resolved the issue and healed when he meets a totally different person. Unlike any other relationships that he had before.
He must find love within. He must accept himself as is.