Now what? Thinking on paper

Let it Go

I was 100% sure that I will pass the first cut for the Angel Investor Summit. I was so confident! My pitch deck was so perfect in my eyes. I spent so much time and energy on it…

I put so much effort in developing VR model, renders and the website… I put my soul into it. My schedule for the past 4 months was the following: Wake Up -> Office -> Gym -> Office -> Sleep. Four months I spent working my ass off, believing that this was something worth pursuing. I went through ups and downs. There were a lot of dark moments, but I also laughed and had fun sometimes. I put a lot of work into this startup. I couldn’t even make it through the first cut. There were 40 startups, 24 of which made it through. I wasn’t even given a chance to tell them what’s this all about.

When I got the rejection email, I couldn’t believe. “It is unfair!!!”, I thought to myself. I put in so much work… This might be a sign to stop. Maybe all those people who said that the idea is crap were right. It might be. I still have no job, no income, no nothing. Stuck in the middle of Canada, in my camper – f*cking around with ideas. I am sick of ideas!

“Oleksandr, you must have a lot of money left, since you still play around”, my “mentor” said. “F*k you”, I thought to myself, but politely thanked for his feedback and ended the call. I was crushed in pieces. The website is crap. The business idea is crap. Everything is not good enough… I give up.

I haven’t had any break since May. Nine months I’ve been busting my ass off, trying to create a source of income. Dumbass… Nothing worked out. I guess I haven’t tried hard enough. Lazy… Not smart…

I created a lot of illusions about myself and my abilities. I drawn in my own lies. I choke on my own brain vomit.

Look around – people are working. Everyone seem to know what to do. At least they make some money. I am a dreamer – that’s all I am good at. I walk around and dream…dream…dream. I have ideas – they sound cool. I feel smart. Haha! I feel smart – I am a big dreamer. If only I could get paid for generating ideas – I would be a millionaire. Fuck I am sick of myself…

I don’t want to do anything anymore. I AM DONE. I give up. Tell me what to do and how to do it. Working for an employer sounds like vacation to me. I could finally relax and simply follow the directions. Do what they tell you to do – be a good boy and get paid. Is it really what I want?

You don’t want to be around me. Everything annoys the crap out of me. People, dogs… I can’t look at myself in the mirror. Fuck

Yes, yes… Feel sorry for yourself. Want to cry maybe? Go ahead. Now what? Nothing had changed and you still here. What are you going to do now cowboy? You are on your own, remember? There is nobody to rescue you. Oh yes, and your family don’t talk to you. Haha! Your mother and brother… the rest of the family. They don’t give a f*ck. All you have left is your father, who also has a lot of shit to deal with on his own. You don’t have any meaningful relationships in your life. No women – just you and your dog for the past three years. Now what?

How about using the old, proven method? Go get some donuts with cream. Or maybe a cheesecake? You deserve it – you poor thing. How about a bottle of wine? Or maybe this time you need something stronger? Perhaps. You haven’t tried drugs. What a great time to start exploring psychedelics? LSD, MDMA..? One time won’t hurt. What are you worth anyways?

Me and my dog… Blake. I have no home. I have no one to love. I have nothing to do. No money. No job… All I have is my dreams, truck and camper. I am a useless dreamer. I lost all I had. I feel sorry for myself, again. Fuck, what a miserable experience.

Now what? What should I do?…

I was in a bad mood. I was exhausted. I went back to my camper and dropped dead tired on my bed. I cried… then falled asleep. Woke up about two hours later, feeling a bit more energy, however still depressed. What should I do? I need to stand back up. I need to pull myself out this hole. I need a plan.

What if I knew all the answers? What if all the answers were in me and all I needed to do is just ask? What would I ask? They say that the quality of my life depends on the quality of questions I ask. Let’s try:

Should I pursue this business, yes or not?Yes
What do I need to learn from this failure?Not everyone will like and approve your ideas
There will be people who say it’s crap
I feel crappy when people say it’s not going to work
Does the Universe try to help me?Yes. I don’t see any reasons why it won’t
Is it the sign that the business is not for me?No
Can I become a millionaire by 30?Depends how bad you want it. Is it a need or a wish?
What would … do if he was in my shoes?He would try something different
Is it worth trying my “Staples coaching ideas”?Why not?
Hey, listen. What do you have to lose? Make as many mistakes as you can. It’s time to fail! Fail big. Fail fast. Cry for a day or two, but then get up and go. You are tired, you are exhausted – that’s understandable. Anyone in your position would feel exactly the same way. Moreover, this is exactly where people drop and quit. If you want to quit – quit, but don’t take it personally. It’s your life and your decisions. You have options, did you forget?
I don’t want to quit, but I realize that I need to change something. What will I change? That’s not a good question. Try again.
Do I need to start business development from the “community” side of things?Yes
Are you sure? It seem as a waste of timeI am sure
Is this why I’ve been getting a lot of negative feedback lately? Do you nudge me into “community” direction?Yes
I wish you could answer why… but do I really need to know? No
I need help and support. Can I count on you and your wisdom? Can I trust you?
Will I ever become a millionaire?Yes
Am I stupid for asking all these questions and answering myself?No. What do you lose?

Alright, the plan is:

  1. Build a community of Deep Work people
    I don’t quite like the phrase “Deep Work”. Is there is a better word describing this? Flow… Zone… idk.
    • Create an app?
  2. Help Staples with re-branding. Develop the coaching