Light it Up

There are things that I don’t want to do. Shit! Can’t force myself, but it needs to be done. How to find joy in those moments? How to flip the things around and enjoy it?

Where this apathy comes from? Is it physical exhaustion, meaning that I just need to rest?

If you don’t enjoy what you do. If you don’t believe in what you do. DROP IT! Or push through? I think this is where the problem is… I don’t believe that I can succeed. Otherwise I’ll be sprinting towards the office every morning at 5 am. Instead my startup start feeling as a drag…

The business idea is great – that’s not a problem. It has a lot of potential. The problem is in my head – I am running the same old “not good enough” tape in my head. I am given the opportunity to radically change my live and create something that I can be proud of, but no… Not smart enough, not good enough. F it!

I am mad at myself for that. Why others see me so much better than I see myself? One of us is wrong – me or them? What if I truly believed in my abilities to do anything? Too selfish. What if I had a bulletproof self-confidence? Foolish.

If you don’t enjoy what you do. If it feels like a drag. Drop it! No one holds you hostage and you have other options. However, if you do so, you might feel even worse – a loser. You gave up. Dammit – there is no way out. There is no fast fix to make you feel good in an instant. This is when people turn to food and alcohol.

You know what… I won’t quit just yet. I will force myself to finish this damn pitch script and I will make FUN! I don’t know how, but if I need to dress up in the lobster costume, while writing it – I will. I will finalize the website and have it published. I will enjoy it. This is my website, my presentation, and my business. Because it’s mine – I will build it the way I want. If someone asks why it’s done this way and not the other, I will simply say – Because I decided So. What am I going to lose? Nothing in this world matters, so I might as well make it a fun game. I forgot that I can play. I forgot that there are no rules. No one knows anything for certain, so I get to set my own rules.

This helps… Light it up! Fuck rules and opinions – do what you think is right. Most likely it won’t work, so why you care? Become okay with being wrong. You are not a loser, because you tried. You really tried to make it work and I have respect for your hard work.

To build something you can be proud of. To enjoy the process.