I am in a weird place. Life tries to communicate something to me. What is it?
Photographer I met on my journey. I was so interested in his ideas and the views on life, but now I see him as irresponsible grown man without any purpose in life. Wandering from place to place, struggling to make the ends meet.
Another lady introduced herself as an entrepreneur and investor. We spent some time together, where she bragged about the millions on her bank accounts in her past life. She spoke about her oil company and how she lost everything. She told me how how she missed surfing in Hawaii. I believed her. Her stories were so legit that I genuinely felt sorry for her. She lost the business and suffered health issues. I was ready to help in any way I could. Two weeks later I realized that she made up all those stories. She lied about her meetings about billionaires, her businesses and experiences as an entrepreneur. I believed. I got disappointed.
The guy in the co-working space I work from sept on telling me about his online trading gig. He was making some money on a side of his full-time job as a real-estate agent. He told me about it so passionately and enthusiastically, that I even considered giving it a try. “You have to come to a meeting with me. With your brain, you can really succeed here.”, he said. “Those guys in a meeting are sharing their knowledge for free. They are wrol-class.”, he added. Okay, let’s see what’s up. A group of mediocre folks, trying to make a little bit of money off the market fluctuations. Disappointed… That guy made up his mind that this is something so much greater than it really is. It will be painful to realize the truth and I hope he does not put to much money in it.
Another man I met was the owner of a large farm. I was searching for a place for my camper. We met at the coffee shop, where he interviewed me as if he was hiring for a CEO. I was surprised by the seriousness of our conversation and the questions he asked. Well, it must be a very cool farm (haven’t seen it yet). He told me about his rules and how he sees himself as a sun and his parents as satellites. “We are the main bodies”, he said. “That’s a really interesting way to put it”, I replied. He named the price which I did not expect to hear. It was over my budget, however I wanted to see that magical place before making a decision. Ten minutes later we were at his place…. A f*cking shithole (pardon for my French). Abandoned cars and mess everywhere. Old buildings. No fences, no gates… Disappointed. Again…
I seem to be surrounded by people who create fiction stories for themselves and live by them. They truly believe that their farm is the best one in town. They are convinced that they dedicate their time and energy to work that will bring them riches and fame. A lady convinced that she was a millionaire before she lost he oil company.
I haven’t had experience dealing with such people and I typically believe in what they say. For some reason I am dealing with this kind of people and situations right now. Everyone live in their own illusions. That’s scary.
I am disappointed to learn the truth. I don’t have the right to tell them that they are right or wrong, so I keep my mouth shut. In fact my life’s vision is another illusion that I made up for myself. It keeps me sane and helps to cope with the life’s reality. I don’t see the life for what it is. Everything goes through my lenses and converts the raw experience into something that fits my mental models. Now it feels as if everyone is lying to me and themselves. There is no truth, only the explanation of reality that fits my bill.
Truth is painful. Truth = suffering. To live comfortably, I need to create my own illusions. I need to guard them and don’t let anyone prove I am wrong. Ideal case scenario is to surround yourself with the people who will believe in my stories and adopt them as their own. Or I can be the adopter. Either way works because they both promise the escape from the hard truth of reality. I feel despair. I am disappointed. Where all this goes?